IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #poverty #reason #crimes
It is true that many people believe that destitution is one of the root causes of offence.
While
 I acknowledge that serious
crimes
 can be committed because of various factors and reasons,
Therefore
Rephrase
apply
show examples
Most less serious
crimes
 are caused by penury and worse
life
conditions
. There are several reasons to agree with the given question above.
Firstly
 many criminals engage in crime in order to survive and support their families financially. In other ,words they are forced to do illegal actions
such
 as smuggling, pickpocketing and even killings to make both ends meet.
For example
, research has proven that many people have worse
life
conditions
, So many he or she is inclined to the
crimes
 in the future.
Secondly
Add a comma
,Secondly
show examples
 it is a distribution of
crimes
, drugs and illegal substances in poor areas among children, teenagers and even their parents. It means that in disadvantaged areas
such
 as ghettos or criminal districts. smuggling and drug dealing are becoming popular and widespread as an easy way to earn money.
For instance
, London City’s east-end district is one of the most hazardous places in the United Kingdom because since the beginning of
this
 ,year there have been 82,453 lawlessnesses. ,
Consequently
Add a comma
,Consequently
show examples
 If poverty does not affect on crime rate so much, Thousands of adult lives, children and teenagers will be saved in the future. It is considered that sometimes
crimes
 are being committed not only because of poverty. In other quarters half of the serious
crimes
 are corruption and killings caused by conflicts. As an example, 30,000-35,000
crimes
 in Kazakhstan are not because of destitution and bad influence.
Therefore
 not many
crimes
 are related to
life
conditions
, social status or even prosperity, They are related to personal qualities and outer factors.
Overall
, all the aforementioned points illustrate that half of the
crimes
 happen because of poverty. If we did not have social statuses or inequality in
life
conditions
, a Big amount of
crimes
 would not be committed.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: