IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Fossil fuel is the main source of energy. In some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy is encouraged. To what extent do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#fuel #source #energy #countries #alternative #sources #development
In
this
 contemporary epoch, the idea of using other renewable
sources
 of
power
 has been gaining ground recently.
While
 proponents hold the view that
this
 trend has a plethora of merits for the environment, other opponents have a diverse perspective. I am of the belief that utilizing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clean
sources
 of energy is the panacea for many environmental and
health
 issues. To embark on, despite the fact that a myriad of countries depend on
petrol
 as a prime source of energy, others insist on finding alternative clean
sources
 to alleviate the effects of global warming.
In other words
,
when
Rephrase
apply
show examples
using these renewable
sources
,
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can help
in mitigating
Wrong verb form
mitigate
show examples
 the detrimental impacts of
petrol
 on the temperature of the earth. A prime example of
this
 is a documentary broadcast on the BBC revealed that a number of nations strive to reduce their dependence on these harmful
sources
.
Hence
, what can be said is that without utilizing tidal
power
 and solar
power
, numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
citizens would suffer in the long run.
Furthermore
, fossil fuel has a catastrophic impact on people's well-being, and it could lead to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 spread of many malignant diseases. To explain, if a country uses
petrol
 heavily,
this
 would worsen their citizens'
health
.
For instance
, in Egypt,
petrol
 is the only source of
power
, and
this
 has resulted in many dangerous
deases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 among Egyptians.
Thus
, not only could fossil fuel lead to an environmental catastrophe, but it could
also
 exacerbate the
health
 situation. In conclusion,
after
this
 essay has manifested the points mentioned above, it can be reiterated that even though many states use non-renewable
sources
 of energy,
this
 phenomenon may have a plethora of
health
 and environmental problems. I am convinced that the
W.H.O
Correct your spelling
W.H.O.
 ought to impose
lows
Correct your spelling
laws
show examples
 to obligate nations to utilize less harmful resources.
Submitted by drislam999 on

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Content
Great job! You fully responded to the task, your ideas were clear and easy to follow, and your examples were specific. Be careful with the use of idiomatic expressions and complex linguistics — only use them when they enhance your argument, and be mindful of their precision.
Grammar
Please review and correct minor spelling and grammar mistakes. For example, 'lows' should be 'laws'. Also, ensure you proof-read your work to catch these minor errors.
Argument
Be careful with the use of the phrase 'detrimental impacts of petrol on the temperature of the earth.' Such phrasing points out that petrol directly affects earth's temperature. However, it's the greenhouse gases resulting from burning fossil fuels (including petrol) that can contribute to the warming effect. So precision in argument is key.
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