IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

42.Some people believe that the government should not spend money on international aid when they have their own disadvantaged people, like the homeless and unemployed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some contend that the federal budget should not be allocated to international financial aid since the underprivileged, like the homeless and unemployed, still need to be financially aided. Personally, I hold a different perspective on
this
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 notion because I believe that foreign financial
support
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 can enhance the solidarity between
countries
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 and symbolize human decency.
Firstly
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, I consider that governments should provide cross-border financial
support
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 as
this
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 approach strengthens the unity of different
countries
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 around the world.
This
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 is because a country that receives monetary assistance from others in times of difficulty would likely recognize the goodwill gesture and reciprocate their favour, stimulating their friendships.
For example
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, thanks to the financial
support
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 from the Russian government to Vietnam during the Vietnamese Wars, these two
countries
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 have intensified their friendly relations.
As a result
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, they have become strategic partners in terms of the global economy, leading to favourable trading concessions in which donating
countries
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 would financially benefit in another way.
Secondly
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, I believe that international financial aid should be encouraged because it promotes humanity. More specifically, politicians of richer
countries
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 can display their nation's care and empathy to citizens from less economically developed one by providing them with
support
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 which enables them to maintain their lives and overcome urgent situations. To illustrate, locking down during the COVID-19 pandemic has exhausted the global economy.
However
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, the U.S. government still supported Vietnam by providing free vaccines to Vietnamese people as they faced great health threats. Thanks to
this
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support
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, millions of Vietnamese people can save their lives. In conclusion, I firmly assert that governments should spend money on international aid because
this
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 approach can enhance the bond between different
countries
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 on the globe and engender humanity.
Thus
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, it is advisable that nations should continue developing their economies to provide financial
support
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 globally.

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Language Use
Ensure a diversity of sentence structures and vocabulary to maintain the reader's interest and demonstrate linguistic ability.
Task Response
Try to explore any potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced view, especially when discussing topics with differing opinions. This could make your essay more nuanced.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction, followed by supportive arguments, and concluding with a firm conclusion.
Task Achievement
You provided specific examples to support your points, which adds credibility and interest to your argument.
Task Achievement
Your introduction and conclusion are both clearly written and effective in framing the essay's topic and summarizing your view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocating resources
  • social stability
  • economic growth
  • moral obligation
  • global responsibility
  • alleviate poverty
  • essential services
  • diplomatic relationships
  • economic interdependence
  • globalized world
  • stabilize foreign markets
  • trade relationships
  • global crises
  • balanced approach
  • pragmatic solution
  • immediate local needs
  • international obligations
  • global cooperation
  • soft power
  • international influence
  • diplomatic relations
  • strategically advantageous
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