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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below compares actual and predicted figures for populations in three different cites.

The table below compares actual and predicted figures for populations in three different cites.
The table gives information about the actual and predicted
for
Change preposition
apply
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population
Use synonyms
 in Sao Paulo, Jakarta and Shanghai in 1990 and 2000. As we can see from the information given,
that
Correct word choice
apply
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Sao Paulo had the highest amount in both.
While
Linking Words
 Jakarta was the lowest. Shanghai
, was
Verb problem
apply
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 fluctuated in the period given.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Sao
Change preposition
in Sao
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 Paulo, the actual
population
Use synonyms
 in 1990 was 15%, and the predicted
population
Use synonyms
 in 2000
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased to 25% before
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreasing
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 to 18% in 2000.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Shanghai
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 was fluctuated between 12.5% and 17%. Started at 13.5% 1n 1990
while
Linking Words
 the
predected
Correct your spelling
predicted
 was high in 2000 at 17%,
then
Linking Words
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
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 to 12.5% in
actual
Correct article usage
the actual
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population
Use synonyms
 in 2000.
Finally
Linking Words
, Jakarta, was the lowest between the two countries given, beginning at 9.5% in actual
population
Use synonyms
 in 1990
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
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 the expected rise in 2000 to 14%, but the actual in 2000 was 11.5%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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