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Writing Samples
Band 7

Unemployment is one of the biggest problems of contemporary society. What do you think are the main causes of unemployment? What solutions can you suggest?

#unemployment #society
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Unemployment is becoming more widespread in the parts of the world these days.
This
 essay will examine the causes
as well as
 the solutions that could be taken to improve the situation. There are a variety of different causes for
this
 matter.
To begin
 with, the development of technology leads to employees using machines more than humans to solve some problems at work. In fact, in the past the jobs-related analysis index for marketing performance often depended on human, now companies used Chat GPT as a tool to replace their staff. Another contributing factor to mention is that labour supply is more than recruitment demand. In fact, today students graduate from university a lot;
therefore
, they have to compete with each other to get the jobs they want. There are several that governments and individuals could take to solve the problems.
Firstly
, a simple solution would be for individuals is that they should improve their skills and learn more knowledge about their field. The second measure would be for governments is they should have policies to a facility for companies with the opportunity to expand and develop their market. In fact, the governments in our country have the policy to decrease taxes by 10% in 2023 to facilitate companies to reduce pressure on finances and help the company attract employees. In conclusion, unemployment is a big problem that affects a lot of people nowadays.
However
, various measures can be taken to tackle the issue to reduce the effects it is having on the current society.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement. It is important to clearly state the main points of the essay in the introduction.
task achievement
The main points are supported but some examples are not directly relevant to the main point. The essay should provide more relevant and specific examples to support the ideas effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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