IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the best way to broaden young people’s understanding of the world is to encourage them to travel to other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What other measure do you think might be effective?

#people #people’s #world #travel #countries #measure
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Well,
Someone
Correct pronoun usage
Some
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 consider that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 Travelling to other countries,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will extend
people
Use synonyms
's
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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. Everyone's opinion is different. Some
people
Use synonyms
 will agree others not. But, In my opinion, Travelling overseas will be beneficial to us.
This
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 essay will expose the explanation of both questions by giving examples.
To begin
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 with, I absolutely agree with the first view. To be honest, The journey will provide us with being open-minded
people
Use synonyms
 by seeing foreigners cultures, and many attractive buildings.
In addition
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, we will exchange our opinions by connecting with them.
For instance
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, When we visit
In
Change preposition
apply
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England, We will be aware of their magnificent culture,
that is
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, During eating, they will follow some orders.
Firstly
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, A big family member starts to consume meals.
Secondly
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, They do not speak aloud.
In addition
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, In the street, we will meet different
people
Use synonyms
 who live in different places, By communicating with them, our understanding of the world will be broadened and
that
Correct pronoun usage
we
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 will be motivated to travel again. We will exchange our knowledge,
minds
Correct word choice
and minds
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 with foreigners.
Thus
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, we can cope with some things which are related to our fields perhaps.
Thus
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, There are Like these efficient sides.
Such
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 as, One of my relatives will visit England. To get a high score, her leaders permit her to go there. She is able to see and know their nearly all traditions and their job will get some usefulness. In conclusion, to become an open-minded person, we will pick out the visiting broad. Whether Someone agrees or not, I will keep the initial idea. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 These will open the effectiveness which are related to our field or other things may be.
Submitted by sarvinozjumayeva813 on

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