IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people prefer to work same job throughout their life while others like to change jobs. To what extend do you agree or disagree

#people #work #job #life #change #jobs
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A lot of people attach their entire to a kind of
job
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position
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,
while
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 the rest want to experience a wide range of occupations. From my perspective, I firmly agree with the former opinion.
To begin
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 with, there are various implicit reasons for
this
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 proposal.
Firstly
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, the major reason for
this
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 decision is possibly their objective thinking.
In particular
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, These loyal employees in a certain
job
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position
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 insist that they have found the preferred
job
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 that made them enthusiastic and dedicated because
this
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job
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 could utilize almost all their talents, which leads to a perfect feeling.
As a result
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, they could think that
this
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 emotion cannot be found in other careers and achieve self-satisfaction, which stifles their intended thinking to exposure to other careers.
For example
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, many employees stagnate in changing jobs for fear of insecurity because they do not believe in their capacities.
Secondly
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, There are advantages of
job
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position
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 loyalty, which allow more chances to climb the higher career ladder,
such
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 as a manager.
In addition
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, working a long time in a company would lead to forming a trust for business holders and allow them more time to prove their abilities, all of which were
consequently
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 indispensable factors in appointing higher positions.
However
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, working in a wider range of careers has many advantages. First of all, Very few companies can guarantee their workers lifelong employment.
Additionally
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, You become more flexible when you have the chance to experience different occupations. Particularly, When you switch jobs, you keep learning new skills and become more versatile.
Consequently
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, People could ensure that they are never struggling with unemployment.
Furthermore
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, Many university graduates have to take on jobs that are not related to their studies to start off with because they feel
this
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job
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 is not for them after their internship.
Moreover
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, the new
job
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 could make them feel more energized and motivated to work as they could find inspiration in
this
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job
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.
For instance
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, a creative talent genius could feel more comfortable when working as an artist or musician rather than a scientist.
To conclude
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, all of these mentioned rationales are justifiable.
Nevertheless
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, I still agree with loyalty to a specific
position
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 because I feel my
job
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 is for myself.
Submitted by lenam2k1 on

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task response
The essay has addressed the topic, but the arguments lack clarity and depth. There is a need for a more balanced discussion and deeper exploration of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks clear progression and organization. A more coherent structure and improved linking of ideas would strengthen the essay's overall coherence and cohesion.
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