IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#visitors #attractions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Attractions
Use synonyms
 with historical and cultural values are important locations to visit for both foreign and local
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, some believe that foreign tourists should be charged more than local
people
Use synonyms
 for visiting
such
Linking Words
places
Use synonyms
. Personally, I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view For a variety of reasons, it would be wrong to have a higher price to pay for foreigners.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 would cause a huge reduction in tourism business. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 not all foreign travellers will be able to have enough budget to cover their holiday expenses since higher prices for visiting
such
Linking Words
places
Use synonyms
 would be reflected in the
overall
Linking Words
 cost of a holiday. Differently,
while
Linking Words
 visiting a new
country
Use synonyms
 tourists may avoid any expenses for other unforgettable experiences in order to manage visiting cultural or historical
attractions
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 will influence in
overall
Linking Words
 tourist’s impression
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
 , so they will not be likely to revisit the
country
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, both foreign visitors and those who are in charge of the
attractions
Use synonyms
 will be unsatisfied by getting them to pay more.
Secondly
Linking Words
, not all foreign tourists are from economically well-built countries which means their level of income might be considerably lower in comparison with local
people
Use synonyms
 of the
country
Use synonyms
 they are visiting. If these visitors would pay more, just because they are from abroad, we will have a situation where poorer
people
Use synonyms
 pay a higher price than the rich. In my opinion, we should all be happy to spend the same amount of money
while
Linking Words
 spending time in cultural or historical
places
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as museums and ancient temples. As in these
places
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 are treated in the same way whether they are foreign or native. If it is not local
people
Use synonyms
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
able to visit,
such
Linking Words
places
Use synonyms
 for lower prices might be accompanied by natives of the place taking their history and culture for granted in the future. Bower prices for local
people
Use synonyms
 to visit
such
Linking Words
places
Use synonyms
 might mislead them into thinking that the main audience of these
attractions
Use synonyms
 is those from other countries. In conclusion, I do not believe that any difference in cost should be made, depending on whether the person is foreign or local.
Submitted by koxxorjonova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task achievement
Ensure that you fully address the given prompt and express your opinion clearly. Avoid repetition and stay focused on the main idea of each paragraph.
Coherence and cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical organization throughout the essay. Use appropriate transition words to connect ideas and ensure that paragraphs are well-developed.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: