Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is currently a contentious argument over whether the mass media should deliver information regarding the private lives of famous people. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
notion and my opinion will be discussed in the following paragraphs with a suitable conclusion.
I firmly believe that sharing the personal information of other people without permission is considered a low level of journalism on the one hand and a law violation on the other hand
. In other words
, spreading these details that are not intended for public attention is harmful for
an individual as for society. Change the preposition
to
For instance
, in certain circumstances uncovered private details would lead to scandals and loss of reputation. Moreover
, these kinds of news, definitely, affect other members of celebrities' families, including kids and wives resulting in trauma and family tragedy.
Secondly
, there is a sort of information that is
considered detrimental to society as people are distracted from significant topics. To cite an example, some media owned by corrupted and bribed politicians will throw some sensitive content in order to direct society's attention and anger toward the third party. Moreover
, in the next weeks, all news and programmes will spend most of their prime time discussing the colour of the pants of some rock singer rather than a governmental crisis. Another point to consider is aggravation of the morality and human values. Consequently
, societies are drawn into useless conversations rather than bringing vital issues to the surface.
In conclusion, the sensitive content of celebrities shall not be mainstreamed by the media. I believe that the aforementioned points are strongly supporting my viewpoint.Submitted by h.israfilov on
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coherence cohesion
While the essay follows a logical structure, some transitions between ideas or points could be smoother for better coherence.
task achievement
The main points are supported, but could be expanded further for a more comprehensive argument. Some points seem very broad and could be narrowed down to concrete cases.
lexical resource
Grammar usage and sentence structure are satisfactory, but more varying and advanced vocabulary could lift the level of the essay.
task achievement
While examples are used, they could be more specific and realistic to back up the arguments and strengthen the essay.