The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Although
the status of women
in society has changed dramatically, and an increasing number of them have occurred in the job market, most people still blame women
when issues appear. For example
, the public put the reason of juvenile delinquency on women
. Nevertheless
, considering the reasons why young people commit crimes, such
as family environment and imitative psychology, I totally disagree with this
opinion.
Firstly
, the fact that the family environment is one of the factors that influence young people indicates that women
should not be criticized for work
. To be more specific, the family environment is not only about mothers but also
fathers and other elements, and the responsibility to educate children
should be also
bearded by both women
and men. Therefore
, when fathers go out to work
, women
also
have the right to work
. In addition
, some men with bad habits, such
as drinking and smoking, also
have a negative impact on kids. Consequently
, women
going to employment should not be the culprit for the issues that adolescents experience.
Secondly
, women
should not be criticized for their children
because classmates can also
be one of the reasons for juvenile delinquency. In other words
, young children
may perceive negative things as cool expressions and imitate them when they lack discernment. So when some classmates are doing bad things, such
as skipping classes or committing crimes, they will also
follow. And these behaviours cannot be supervised at home. As a result
, adolescent problems should not be simply attributed to women
going to work
without time at home.
In conclusion, there are many reasons for the problems experienced by children
, and it is not just the mother's education. Therefore
, women
have the right to work
and should not receive criticism.Submitted by hxk7664 on
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task achievement
Make sure to state your position clearly in the introduction.
lexical resource
Review the use of punctuation, especially commas.
coherence cohesion
Introduce your main points clearly in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to provide more detail and support for your ideas.
lexical resource
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and more precise language.
grammatical range accuracy
Make sure to use appropriate verb tenses and sentence structures consistently.