The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Although
the status of
women
in society has changed dramatically, and an increasing number of them have occurred in the job market, most people still blame
women
when issues appear.
For example
, the public put the reason of juvenile delinquency on
women
.
Nevertheless
, considering the reasons why young people commit crimes,
such
as family environment and imitative psychology, I totally disagree with
this
opinion.
Firstly
, the fact that the family environment is one of the factors that influence young people indicates that
women
should not be criticized for
work
. To be more specific, the family environment is not only about mothers but
also
fathers and other elements, and the responsibility to educate
children
should be
also
bearded by both
women
and men.
Therefore
, when fathers go out to
work
,
women
also
have the right to
work
.
In addition
, some men with bad habits,
such
as drinking and smoking,
also
have a negative impact on kids.
Consequently
,
women
going to employment should not be the culprit for the issues that adolescents experience.
Secondly
,
women
should not be criticized for their
children
because classmates can
also
be one of the reasons for juvenile delinquency.
In other words
, young
children
may perceive negative things as cool expressions and imitate them when they lack discernment. So when some classmates are doing bad things,
such
as skipping classes or committing crimes, they will
also
follow. And these behaviours cannot be supervised at home.
As a result
, adolescent problems should not be simply attributed to
women
going to
work
without time at home. In conclusion, there are many reasons for the problems experienced by
children
, and it is not just the mother's education.
Therefore
,
women
have the right to
work
and should not receive criticism.
Submitted by hxk7664 on

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task achievement
Make sure to state your position clearly in the introduction.
lexical resource
Review the use of punctuation, especially commas.
coherence cohesion
Introduce your main points clearly in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to provide more detail and support for your ideas.
lexical resource
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and more precise language.
grammatical range accuracy
Make sure to use appropriate verb tenses and sentence structures consistently.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • evolution
  • domestic roles
  • diverse professional engagements
  • dual-working parents
  • family dynamics
  • juvenile delinquency
  • societal and economic factors
  • dual-income households
  • childcare methods
  • community support systems
  • gender roles
  • family responsibilities
  • professional aspirations
  • development needs
  • correlation
  • simplistic causation
  • workplace policies
  • flexible hours
  • parental leave
  • gender equality
  • role models
  • successful womanhood
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