IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The diagram illustrates the number of shops in the situation of close and open in one country from 2011 to 2018.

The diagram illustrates the number of shops in the situation of close and open in one country from 2011 to 2018.
The diagram shows the total amount of shop closures and openings between
Use synonyms
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 2011 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
 , both situations show fluctuations during the
years
Use synonyms
 . The total
number
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 closed reached a peak in 2013 with more than 7000
shops
Use synonyms
 closed during the year. It
then
Linking Words
 dropped significantly in the 2014 - 2015 period with less than a thousand
shops
Use synonyms
 closed during the year which is
also
Linking Words
 the lowest of all
years
Use synonyms
. There was a quick bounce back from 2015 to 2016 and the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 closed rose from around 800 to around 5000 in 2016. The
number
Use synonyms
 was hovering at around the same level from 2016 to 2018. The
number
Use synonyms
 of openings reached a peak at around 8500 in 2011 , it
then
Linking Words
 decreased dramatically and
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only 4000
shops
Use synonyms
 opened in 2012. It hovered at around 4000 to 6000 from 2012 to 2017. the
number
Use synonyms
 of shop openings declined slightly from 2017 to 2018 with only 3000
shops
Use synonyms
 opening during the year which is
also
Linking Words
 the lowest among all other
years
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, number, shops with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • diagram
  • illustrates
  • number of shops
  • situation
  • close
  • open
  • country
  • 2011
  • 2018
  • overview
  • year-wise
  • comparison
  • trend analysis
  • increase
  • decrease
  • reasons
  • future prediction
What to do next:
Look at other essays: