IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drinks products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

#food #drinks #products #level #sugar #health #people
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An extensive amount of
sugar
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 is contained in eatable
items
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 which leads to a number of health issues so the
rate
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 of goods with a substantial quantity of
sugar
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 must be increased in order to reduce their consumption. In my opinion, I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 given notion as I believe that on one side, it will impact the
economy
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 of a nation but on the other
side
Add a comma
,side
show examples
 it will
also
Linking Words
 reduce the morbidity
rate
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. Commencing with disagreement notion, if taxes or
rate
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 of
products
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 with high carbohydrates increased, it will ultimately reduce the disease
rate
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. To elaborate on my perception, people will begin to avoid sugary
items
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 whether they can be cakes or soft drinks. The price of soft drinks,
for example
Linking Words
, if doubled in the future, people will ignore these
items
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while
Linking Words
 they are shopping for groceries.
Hence
Linking Words
, issues of health like diabetes, obesity and tooth decay begin to decline. On the flip side, a nation's
economy
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 will be affected as the demand and purchase of
products
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 made from
sugar
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 decreases. To be more precise, not only do individuals start to avoid buying these eatables, but
also
Linking Words
 they will start consuming less
sugar
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 at home.
As a result
Linking Words
, sales of jaggery and
sugar
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 declined. Sugary
products
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,
for instance
Linking Words
, are abundant in bakeries and other shops, so reducing the sales of
items
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 will have knock-on effects on the incomes of salesmen which represents a breeding ground for the low
economy
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 of the country. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 a high
rate
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 of
products
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 with
sugar
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 declines the
rate
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 of diseases,
also
Linking Words
 it impacts the socio-economic status of the
economy
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by harmanpreetkaurbumrah12 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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