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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests
Sharing personal information with
employement
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employment
 companies during
hiring
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the hiring
show examples
 process has become
highly
Correct article usage
a highly
show examples
debateable
Correct your spelling
debatable
 issue among employees. A group of people assumes that it is beneficial to provide their personal history to employers,
While
 Others oppose it. I will discuss both
viewbaints
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
 and give my
opnion
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opinion
 in the
last
.
First
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The first
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 and foremost benefit
to disclose
Change preposition
of disclosing
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don
Verb problem
apply
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interests and habits, would assist
neur
Correct your spelling
our
 employees
to get
Change preposition
in getting
show examples
 an opportunity to
work
 in their fields of interest. They. will
work
 interestingly with full of enthusiasm,
subsequently
leads
Wrong verb form
leading
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 to
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 productivity.
Secondly
, It will reduce the number of Conflicts between family and workplace. Married people can get a fixed
scheudle
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schedule
 from recruiters and spend
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality time with their families without any
work
 pressure •
Moreover
, companies can organize some events at
workpace
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work
according to
 the
marrital
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marital
 status of their
work force
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workforce
show examples
.
On the other hand
, there are some consequences of revaling personal interests
and.
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and
 hobbies with employers.
The most
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Most
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 important it will stop workers
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
lear
Wrong verb form
learning
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 and
experienc
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experiencing
neur
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near
 things which can hinder their personal growth. The
emploper
Correct your spelling
employer
 will always assign of
experties
Correct your spelling
expertise
 and restrict
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
be
Wrong verb form
being
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expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
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 in other
non- interesting
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non-interesting
show examples
 areas.
Due to
 the advancement of technology, it is very easy to steal or leak employees' information and misuse
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
 take personal benefit or revenge.
Therefore
, it can put families in danger.
To conclude
, providing personal information
while
applying
Add the preposition
forapplying
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 a new job, is very useful to achieve success at
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
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 as interests and hobbies encourage
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 to do
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
 a desired goal or promotion.
Submitted by romalpreetaujla on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
What to do next:
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