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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some children spend a long time each day on their smartphones. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#children #time #smartphones #development
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Some juveniles spend most of their
time
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 on smartphones.
This
Linking Words
 is because they find streaming
videos
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 engrossing, but
this
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 can have negative consequences because they can distract
children
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 from family life. Minors love
spend
Add the particle
to spend
show examples
 most of their
time
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 on mobile devices because streaming services have many entertaining
videos
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.
This
Linking Words
 means they have endless opportunities to entertain themselves and spend their entire day consuming new shows without thinking.
For example
Linking Words
, many
videos
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 on Netflix are aimed at
children
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, some of which designed their titles and thumbnails to entice
children
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 to click on one more video.
As a result
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, they spend their free
time
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 in front of a screen
instead
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 of participating in physically involved games
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 basketball and cricket. Despite them being heavily enjoyed by
children
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,
this
Linking Words
 essay believes they should be viewed negatively because of the impact it has on
time
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 with parents and siblings. Being around one’s nuclear family teaches
children
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 many important things,
such
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 as social values, manners and how to treat others. If a child misses these opportunities, they could grow up to have impaired social skills and take their values from YouTubers rather than parents.
For instance
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, one of the most popular personalities on YouTube is Andrew Tate, who is well known for being arrogant and having unethical interviews that are highly appreciated by audiences. In conclusion,
videos
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 on mobiles may be irresistible to those under 18.
However
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, parents should restrict screen
time
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 as much as possible to limit the harmful effect influencers can have on their son’s or daughter’s upbringing.
Submitted by itzgurpreetsingh1 on

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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure and coherence.
lexical resource
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grammatical range accuracy
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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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