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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that money is one of the most important factors in a person's happiness. To what extent do you agree withh this?

#people #money #factors #person #happiness #withh
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Some people believe that
money
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 is the most important thing in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, but some may not think the same way. I do believe that
money
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 is important in my life, but I don'
t
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 see
money
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 as the key to my
happiness
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. There are many factors that can bring
happiness
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 in
this
Linking Words
 life. It is true that we need
money
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 to buy
things
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. Since
money
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 is identified with luxuries, people tend to think that we can get
happiness
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 by showering ourselves with expensive
things
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. But in reality, there are many
things
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 that you can'
t
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 buy with
money
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.
Such
Linking Words
 as a warm family or high-quality friends. Back
Change preposition
in
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to
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in
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 the old days when we were children, we could be happy over the tiniest thing like seeing a butterfly flying across the garden.
This
Linking Words
 showed us that we can be happy without
money
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. I read
some
Correct determiner usage
a
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 story about someone who's held
golden
Correct article usage
a golden
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 spoon since birth. Since he's kind of old
money
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 gank, I can assume that he got the diamond spoon rather than the gold one. He is someone who has his
money
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 and won'
t
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 waste it for his 7th generation. He doesn'
t
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 even know how to spend his
money
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, but he has to spend a huge
money
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for
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on
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 psychological treatment. He
also
Linking Words
 needs some sleeping pills in order to get a good
night
Change noun form
night's
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 sleep.
This
Linking Words
 man's story told me that
money
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 isn'
t
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 the most important factor
to be
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in being
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happy.
Money
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 can give you
happiness
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. But there are a lot of
things
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 other than
money
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 that can make you smile from eye to eye. I believe that if you want to be happy, acceptance is the key. It's about accepting who you are and where you are now. It doesn'
t
Use synonyms
 matter how much zero lies in your bank account, you still can be happy.
Submitted by semangatbanget.s2 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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