Some people believe that money is one of the most important factors in a person's happiness. To what extent do you agree withh this?

#people #money #factors #person #happiness #withh

Some people believe that

money

is the most important thing in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

, but some may not think the same way. I do believe that

money

is important in my life, but I don'

see

money

as the key to my

happiness

. There are many factors that can bring

happiness

this

life. It is true that we need

money

to buy

things

. Since

money

is identified with luxuries, people tend to think that we can get

happiness

by showering ourselves with expensive

things

. But in reality, there are many

things

that you can'

buy with

money

Such

as a warm family or high-quality friends. Back

Change preposition

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

the old days when we were children, we could be happy over the tiniest thing like seeing a butterfly flying across the garden.

This

showed us that we can be happy without

money

. I read

some

Correct determiner usage

show examples

story about someone who's held

golden

Correct article usage

a golden

show examples

spoon since birth. Since he's kind of old

money

gank, I can assume that he got the diamond spoon rather than the gold one. He is someone who has his

money

and won'

waste it for his 7th generation. He doesn'

even know how to spend his

money

, but he has to spend a huge

money

for

Change preposition

show examples

psychological treatment. He

also

needs some sleeping pills in order to get a good

night

Change noun form

night's

show examples

sleep.

This

man's story told me that

money

isn'

the most important factor

to be

Change preposition

in being

show examples

happy.

Money

can give you

happiness

. But there are a lot of

things

other than

money

that can make you smile from eye to eye. I believe that if you want to be happy, acceptance is the key. It's about accepting who you are and where you are now. It doesn'

matter how much zero lies in your bank account, you still can be happy.

Submitted by semangatbanget.s2 on Tue Oct 03 2023

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coherence cohesion

Organize your ideas more effectively to improve coherence and logical structure.

lexical resource

Use more precise and varied vocabulary.

grammatical range accuracy

Review and correct grammatical errors.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

301 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that money is one of the most important factors in a person's happiness. To what extent do you agree withh this?

Fully explain your ideas

Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and practice them with basic assistance, such as food and housing.To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Today, many people do not know their next-door neighbors in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area. How does this affect local communities? How could this situation be improved?

some people believe that professionals, such az doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others beilieve they should be free to work in another country if they wish.