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Band 5

The best way to solve the traffic and transportation problem is to encourage people to live in cities rather than suburbs or countryside. Do you agree or disagree?

#traffic #transportation #people #cities #suburbs #countryside
With the fast development of civilization,
people
 spend a lot of time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
commuting when they live in
suburbs
Correct article usage
the suburbs
show examples
while
 their workplaces are in
cities
. Living in
cities
 is of course a good
way
 to release the
traffic
pressure
as well as
 to save time, but it is more harm than good. I have considered
this
 topic carefully, and
eventually
Add a comma
,eventually
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 I think living
in
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apply
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downtown is not the best
way
 to face the complicated situation. For
people
 who live in
suburbs
Correct article usage
the suburbs
show examples
 or
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
, saving money is
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their first consideration. It means they can probably endure the long and dull
traffic
 jams. The
transportation
problem
 can be acceptable.
Otherwise
, the cost of living near their workplaces
is outweigh
Wrong verb form
outweighs
show examples
 the
transportation
problem
.
Therefore
, living in
cities
 may not really attract them. For
cities
, the
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 capacity is hard to enlarge. If too many
people
 rush to
cities
 just for the convenience
to work
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of working
show examples
 or
entertain
Replace the word
entertainment
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, it would lead to other inconveniences as well, like queuing, overusing public
facilities
, food
shortage
Fix the agreement mistake
shortages
show examples
, the
pressure
 of city cleaning and so on.
Therefore
, I think the
better
Correct word choice
best
show examples
way
 to solve
traffic
Correct article usage
the traffic
show examples
problem
 is to transfer some companies, shopping malls and public
facilities
 to
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
. When
people
 in
suburb
Fix the agreement mistake
suburbs
show examples
 can easily get access to their workplaces, shopping sites and public
facilities
, their need to experience
traffic
 jams is largely decreased,
as well as
 the
transportation
pressure
.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion,
to encourage
Change the verb form
encouraging
show examples
people
 to live in
cities
 is a
way
 to solve the
traffic
problem
 but it has its own disadvantages. Moving some companies, shopping malls and public
facilities
 to
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 can largely release the
pressure
 of
transportation
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement at the beginning of the essay to clearly state your position.
task achievement
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Use more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Check grammar and sentence structure for more accuracy.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban sprawl
  • public transport infrastructure
  • commutes
  • residential density
  • ecological footprint
  • overcrowding
  • urban planning
  • car-sharing
  • traffic management
  • rural preservation
  • transportation policies
  • electric vehicles
  • sustainable living
  • incentivize
  • telecommuting
What to do next:
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