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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of a bad person’s nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #poverty #person’s #nature
A school of thought holds that social issues and poverty are the forces behind a crime committed meanwhile some other people claim that crime is the outcome of inborn characteristics. In my point of view, both social bads,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inadequate income and the individual's inherent nature are the rationales of delinquency.
To begin
 with, a crime is the consequence of
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
show examples
 natural inclination.
In particular
, a child whose parent has a paternalistic attitude often inherits
this
 tendency;
as a result
, he/she
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 become a cruel and rebellious person when he/she grows up if he/she is not well-educated. A typical consequence is school violence, which is rooted in indifference to a child's innate brutality.
Besides
, if he/she witnesses offensive scenes
such
 as domestic violence or some illegal activities in society, he/she will more and more tend to turn to criminal behaviour.
In addition
, the laziness and selfishness can
also
 turn into a criminal.
For instance
, a large number of youngsters choose an illegal career
such
 as becoming a robber or drug dealer
instead
 of working to make ends meet.
Submitted by kthien2125 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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