IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016.

#amount #money #children #charity #usa #year
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The pie charts illustrate the ratio of revenue and expenditure
pupil's
Change preposition
of pupil's
show examples
charity
Use synonyms
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of
charity
Use synonyms
 income was from donated food,
while
Linking Words
 Government Grants and Investment took the lowest proportion. Program services dominated
spending
Correct article usage
the spending
show examples
 of
charity
Use synonyms
.
Initially
Linking Words
, the highest amount of
charity
Use synonyms
 received from donated food at 86%, followed by community contributions at 10.4%.
However
Linking Words
, Government and investment had the same level with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 small proportion, contributed
as
Change preposition
at
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 the lowest rate, and program revenue contributed at 2.2%.
Next,
Linking Words
program services spent the most compared to
fundrising
Correct your spelling
fundraising
, at 95.5% and 2.6% in a row. It could be seen that management and General took the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 proportion of spending at 1.6%.
additionally
Linking Words
, Compared to expenditure, the revenue of children's
charity
Use synonyms
 exceeded by almost $34,000.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a better introduction that includes the main information of the charts.
coherence cohesion
Include a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
task achievement
Add more details and specific examples to support your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • donations
  • grants
  • fundraising events
  • expenditure
  • administration costs
  • program expenses
  • direct benefits
  • indirect benefits
  • underprivileged children
  • education
  • healthcare
  • shelter
  • nourishment
  • medical treatments
  • basic needs
  • financial sustainability
  • transparency
What to do next:
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