Instructions Read the question below and write an opinion essay. You should spend no more than 40 minutes on this task. Remember to write down a clear thesis statement followed by your essay plan. Only then attempt to write this essay. Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?
#instructions #minutes #thesis #plan #attempt #celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
In today’s society, the prominence of
celebrities
is often tied more to their wealth and glamour than their actual achievements
. I agree to a considerable extent that this
phenomenon sets a detrimental example for young people
, who may prioritize superficial success over genuine accomplishments.
Firstly
, modern celebrities
are frequently celebrated for their luxurious lifestyles rather than their contributions to society. Social media
platforms like Instagram and TikTok amplify this
trend, showcasing the opulent lives of influencers and reality TV stars who lack substantial achievements
. For instance
, individuals such
as the Kardashians are often in the limelight for their extravagant lifestyles rather than any notable talents or societal contributions.
This
glorification of wealth and glamour has significant implications for the younger generation. Young people
, who are impressionable and in the process of forming their identities, often emulate these celebrities
. This
can lead to a culture where superficial attributes are valued over hard work and perseverance. For example
, many teenagers aspire to become social media
influencers, focusing on aesthetics and material possessions, rather than pursuing careers that require skill and dedication.
However
, it is also
essential to acknowledge that there are celebrities
renowned for their genuine achievements
, such
as athletes and scientists. Figures like Elon Musk or
Serena Williams have made significant contributions in their respective fields. Correct word choice
and
Nevertheless
, these individuals receive less media
attention compared to those famous for their glamorous lives. This
imbalance in media
representation further
skews the perception of success among young people
.
In conclusion, while
there are celebrities
who are famous for their significant accomplishments, the overwhelming focus on wealth and glamour in today’s media
sets a harmful precedent for young people
. It is crucial to shift our societal values towards recognizing and celebrating genuine achievements
to provide a more positive and constructive role model for the younger generation.Submitted by eparfenenkov on
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coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-structured, consider expanding the counter-argument about celebrities known for genuine achievements. This will provide a more balanced view.
task achievement
Add a specific example of a young person inspired by superficial success to further illustrate the essay’s main points.
task achievement
Ensure all ideas directly support the thesis to maintain a clear and focused argument. Watch out for any minor deviations.
task achievement
The thesis statement is clear and directly addresses the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear introductory and concluding paragraphs.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the Kardashians, effectively supports the main argument.