IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016.

#amount #money #children #charity #usa #year
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The pie diagrams revealed funds that young children gained and expended in social action in the given year.
Overall
Linking Words
, community contribution to food donation contributed the highest support compared to others in terms of income resources.
Moreover
Linking Words
, for the outcome side, the
program
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 services became the most concern of people in doing a volunteering
program
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while
Linking Words
 the management and general achieved the lowest attention. Notably, revenue gained came from various charities in society, but the most massive one was food, with 86,6 per
cent
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.
Although
Linking Words
 the community tended to put more attention on food charity, there were some individuals
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
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 interested in community service in second place just under the quarter and another one was revenue
program
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, with 2.2 per
cent
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.
However
Linking Words
, people’s enthusiasm for investment income, government grants and other income was low at 0.2 and 0.4, respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the way volunteers used money was various, from the most significant one, the services
program
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, with 95.8 per
cent
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. Fundraising and management doubled from the management and general which took the second and the third position at 2. per
cent
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 and 1.6 per
cent
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 during the period.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task response
Ensure a clear and direct introduction to the essay that states the purpose and what the essay will cover. In this case, a more specific introduction to the subject (e.g., the financial activities of a specific children's charity in 2016) would help.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a more structured organization for your essay. Use paragraphs effectively to segment different sections and ideas. Transition words like 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' and 'However,' can help improve the flow and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should include an explicit conclusion that summarizes the main points discussed and offers a final reflection or comment on the topic.
task response
Precision in data presentation is crucial. Ensure numbers, percentages, and comparative statements are accurately reported and clearly linked to the information given in the diagrams or illustrations.
task response
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to articulate your ideas more effectively. This will make your explanation clearer and more engaging to the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • donations
  • grants
  • fundraising events
  • expenditure
  • administration costs
  • program expenses
  • direct benefits
  • indirect benefits
  • underprivileged children
  • education
  • healthcare
  • shelter
  • nourishment
  • medical treatments
  • basic needs
  • financial sustainability
  • transparency
What to do next:
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