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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts compare ways of accessing the news in Canada and Australia

The pie charts compare ways of accessing the news in Canada and Australia
#news #canada #australia
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The given pie charts depict the different ways of getting
news
Use synonyms
 in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 commonwealth countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Australian
Correct your spelling
Australians
show examples
 access
news
Use synonyms
 from
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 for
Canadian
Replace the word
Canadians
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, television is the main
source
Use synonyms
 of
news
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand, the amount of
news
Use synonyms
 that people in both countries receive is from the unspecified
source
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of Australian surfing
news
Use synonyms
 from online
Use synonyms
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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 is 52%. It dominated the other methods
such
Linking Words
 as TV (37%) and printed
news
Use synonyms
 (7%). Only 2% of people in Australia
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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listen to radio
news
Use synonyms
.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
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 in Canada, the vast majority of the people watch television
news
Use synonyms
. Surfing on the internet is the second
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 way of accessing
news
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canadian
Fix the agreement mistake
Canadians
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 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
proportion
Use synonyms
 of 36%. Printing
news
Use synonyms
 and radio take up 14% and 7% of the
proportion
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 respectively. Both
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
 and
Canada
Replace the word
Canadian
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 citizen’s least favorite way of accessing
news
Use synonyms
 is from unspecified
Use synonyms
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
. In Canada, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 is 3%,
while
Linking Words
 in Australia, the number is only 2%.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words news, source, proportion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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