There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

Nowadays the stress

students

go through in order to accomplish their academic goals is brutal.

For

this

reason, many argue that non-compulsory courses

such

as sports, art and cooking classes should be replaced by exam

subjects

This

essay will shed light on the importance of having extracurriculars in school.

To begin

with, non-academic

subjects

, contribute to the holistic development of

students

by focusing on aspects of their growth beyond academic knowledge.

For example

, art classes encourage creativity and self-expression, allowing them to explore their emotions and artistic talents.

Moreover

this

fosters a sense of self-awareness and emotional intelligence, which are essential life skills. Another reason is the significance of physical education classes not only promote exercising but more importantly teach

students

the importance of regular exercise and a healthy lifestyle.

Additionally

this

subject can instil lifelong habits of physical activity, reducing the risk of obesity and related health issues. Third and most important, every student is unique and possesses different talents and interests. Non-academic

subjects

allow scholars to explore and develop these aptitudes, whether in sports, arts, or music among others.

Consequently

by eliminating these

subjects

’ schools may overlook the potential skills and passions of individual

students

, leading to missed opportunities for potential career paths, personal growth and achievement.

Nonetheless

, an important argument in favour of

this

idea is the fact that by eliminating non-compulsory courses schools can make more efficient use of class time. In fact, teachers may have more opportunities for in-depth coverage of academic topics during classroom hours.

Thus

, potentially reducing the need for excessive homework or outside tutoring. In conclusion,

although

there are some obvious academic benefits of only focusing on mandatory courses, like time efficiency, these

subjects

play a crucial role in

students

’ development.

Submitted by maria.p.prego on Tue Oct 03 2023

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task achievement

Consider providing more specific examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Make sure to clearly state your position on the topic in the introduction.

coherence cohesion

Check the coherence between your introduction and conclusion. Both sections should mirror each other.

lexical resource

Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your writing.

grammatical range accuracy

Proofread your essay for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

289 words

8.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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