IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce this pressure?

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Some believe that schools must focus on delivering practical
skills
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 to their
students
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,
while
Linking Words
 other people would argue that they should concentrate on academic-based subjects like biology and math.
Although
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 basic science classes will increase their general
knowledge
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 and enhance their searchability, I believe practical
skills
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 are what they need in the
future
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, because nowadays employers are searching for individuals with excellent practical abilities. On the one hand, science subjects will provide
students
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 with basic information that can be built on in the
future
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. By making them aware of basic math equations and scientific discoveries, they will be able to use these rules and theories in the
future
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.
This
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 information will answer their enquiries and help them as starting points for
further
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future
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 research and investigation.
For example
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, many great innovations like turbines started when scientists had previous
knowledge
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 about these appliances from their academic backgrounds.
However
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 I believe, academic
knowledge
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 will not make a big difference against practical capability.
On the other hand
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, practical
knowledge
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 is a power these days. Major companies avoid any applicant who does not have practical experience, even if he comes from a strong academic background. By providing
students
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 with practical information they will need in the
future
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 they will have a better chance to be hired.
For example
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, many developed countries started delivering practical courses during summers and opened part-time job opportunities to increase
students
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' practical performance. I believe in
this
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 way of teaching because it seems much more acceptable in the job market these days. In conclusion,
Although
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 delivering basic science subjects to
students
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 will enlarge their general
knowledge
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 and enhance their searching
skills
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, I believe these days practical
skills
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 are more useful
,
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apply
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 because the job market is looking for experiences and
skills
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 rather than degrees.

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coherence cohesion
Try to further refine your argument structure. The essay presents a clear stance, but clearer transitions between ideas in paragraphs could enhance the coherence.
coherence cohesion
Make sure all sentences and ideas link smoothly. Sometimes, the flow between sentences could be smoother or more logically connected. Use more varied linking phrases or conjunctions.
task achievement
Provide even more specific examples to bolster your points. The examples you provided are relevant, but additional details could further strengthen your position.
task achievement
Your essay fully addresses the task, providing a balanced discussion of both perspectives and a clear conclusion.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion which help organize the essay well.
coherence cohesion
You have provided logical arguments to support your ideas, and the main points are generally well-explained and supported with examples.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic competition
  • peer pressure
  • social media influence
  • advertising targeting
  • balanced lifestyle
  • extracurricular activities
  • mental well-being
  • academic expectations
  • unrealistic standards
  • college applications
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