More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a modern life style which can not be treated with modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine should be encouraged . To what extent do you agree?

The modern
health
issues causing deteriorating
health
are consequences of
this
technologically advanced modern era. Proponent advocates that modern medicines can not resolve
such
disastrous
health
issues.
Hence
, Proposing the idea of shifting to traditional
medicine
is being highly entertained among them. In my opinion, traditional
medicine
and treatment methods should be encouraged as modern
medicine
is designed for resolving the symptoms only, not curing the disease or
illness
. Human species are getting
intelligent
Correct quantifier usage
more intelligent
show examples
day by day as much as technology is advancing. Knowledge is as far as people's fingertips. Modern
medicine
's incapability of curing an
illness
is
no
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
brainer
Correct your spelling
no-brainer
show examples
, and ,
hence
,
urging
Wrong verb form
urges
show examples
people's attention to shift towards age-old medicinal methods. In today's capitalistic world, people comprehend the
thin line
Add a hyphen
thin-line
show examples
understanding of curing the traits of modern
illness
and curing the
illness
fully. Disastrous
health
issues like Blood cholesterol, Constipation etc. used to be cured in previous days by traditional methods.
This
is ostensible that modern
medicine
is failing in every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
should be more human-centric rather than
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
capitalistic.
Healthcare
Add an article
The healthcare
show examples
business is a
billion dollar
Add a hyphen
billion-dollar
show examples
business which is exponentially increasing
till
Change preposition
apply
show examples
today, Since
permanent
Correct article usage
a permanent
show examples
solution should be the goal
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
show examples
temporary
Add an article
a temporary
show examples
solution,
hence
, traditional
medicine
should be supported .
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
traditional
medicine
cost is high, as a suggestion, I opine that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should be strict
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
healthcare organisations who bring cheap
medicine
to the market
for gaining
Change preposition
to gain
show examples
profits.
A government
Remove the article
Government
show examples
aid would be very much appreciated by the citizen to develop
cost effective
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
show examples
proper
medicine
to foster a healthy society. It is wise
to conclude
that till today traditional
medicine
is the genuine aid to cure any
illness
.
Hence
,
this
method should be encouraged.
However
, modern
medicine
should enhance their research and development process to produce not engineered
medicine
but
health friendly
Add a hyphen
health-friendly
show examples
one.
Submitted by nehakarmakar45 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic approach
  • herbal remedies
  • acupuncture
  • integrative healthcare
  • modern lifestyle diseases
  • prevention
  • patient outcomes
  • sustainable health solutions
  • underlying causes
  • scientifically validated
  • healthcare systems
  • complementary therapies
  • balance and well-being
  • stress management
  • dietary habits
  • acceptance
  • resonate with
  • comprehensive care options
  • formal healthcare systems
  • personal beliefs
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