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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem? You should write at least 250 words.

#students #attention #school
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A lot of
students
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 haven't been paying much
attention
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 in school and can't concentrate on their grades. In my opinion,
it is clear that
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 nowadays adolescents prefer to pay more
attention
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 to social media or video games
instead
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 of school and their own grades.
However
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, adults are trying to solve
this
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 problem, but
instead
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 of understanding and addressing the root of the problem, they are blocking smartphones. As a drawback,
students
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 pay even less
attention
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 to their subjects because they are now communicating with friends.
Because in
Correct word choice
In
show examples
 our day, there are way more interesting things to do,
such
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 as social media, which contains a vast range of information in short video formats that you want to watch because they are funny or sometimes relate to life situations, than paying
attention
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 to boring subjects like chemistry or physics.
Therefore
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,
students
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 of different ages would rather see a one-minute or less video with everything about the world than stay in classes for hours and study uninteresting subjects. As a solution to
this
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 problem, schools should incorporate and create new forms of studying by incorporating engaging elements
such
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 as memes or games. A live example is a chemistry teacher from Kazakhstan who explains his subject to
students
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 in short TikTok videos set to anime music.
Overall
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, to capture
students
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'
attention
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 nowadays, teachers should create new formats for studying
instead
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 of outdated study plans that involve coming to class, leaving your phone, not talking to each other, studying, taking exams, and going home. The world is changing rapidly, and there is no space for old methods.
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task achievement
Include a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples and evidence.
coherence cohesion
Use appropriate transition words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Explain your ideas more thoroughly to make your arguments more convincing.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and expressions to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Check your grammar and sentence structures for errors.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • concentration
  • attention span
  • distractions
  • technology
  • boredom
  • tiredness
  • engagement
  • learning disabilities
  • teaching techniques
  • classroom size
  • family issues
  • health problems
  • motivational strategies
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