IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem? You should write at least 250 words.

#students #attention #school
A lot of
students
 haven't been paying much
attention
 in school and can't concentrate on their grades. In my opinion,
it is clear that
 nowadays adolescents prefer to pay more
attention
 to social media or video games
instead
 of school and their own grades.
However
, adults are trying to solve
this
 problem, but
instead
 of understanding and addressing the root of the problem, they are blocking smartphones. As a drawback,
students
 pay even less
attention
 to their subjects because they are now communicating with friends.
Because in
Correct word choice
In
show examples
 our day, there are way more interesting things to do,
such
 as social media, which contains a vast range of information in short video formats that you want to watch because they are funny or sometimes relate to life situations, than paying
attention
 to boring subjects like chemistry or physics.
Therefore
,
students
 of different ages would rather see a one-minute or less video with everything about the world than stay in classes for hours and study uninteresting subjects. As a solution to
this
 problem, schools should incorporate and create new forms of studying by incorporating engaging elements
such
 as memes or games. A live example is a chemistry teacher from Kazakhstan who explains his subject to
students
 in short TikTok videos set to anime music.
Overall
, to capture
students
'
attention
 nowadays, teachers should create new formats for studying
instead
 of outdated study plans that involve coming to class, leaving your phone, not talking to each other, studying, taking exams, and going home. The world is changing rapidly, and there is no space for old methods.
Submitted by fake37603 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Include a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples and evidence.
coherence cohesion
Use appropriate transition words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Explain your ideas more thoroughly to make your arguments more convincing.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and expressions to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Check your grammar and sentence structures for errors.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • concentration
  • attention span
  • distractions
  • technology
  • boredom
  • tiredness
  • engagement
  • learning disabilities
  • teaching techniques
  • classroom size
  • family issues
  • health problems
  • motivational strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: