IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialized facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion

#countries #sports #facilities #train #athletes #development
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Different countries have
build
Change the verb form
built
show examples
 special facilities to prepare top
athletes
Use synonyms
 and by that have achieved international sports,
instead
Linking Words
 of giving all the people
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to do sport. I
am disagree
Change the verb form
disagree
show examples
 with the given statement
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because in my personal
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 everyone should have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to show themselves.
However
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should build
a specialized facilities
Correct the article-noun agreement
specialized facilities
a specialized facility
show examples
, to prepare and
train
Use synonyms
 international
athletes
Use synonyms
,
instead
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
train
Wrong verb form
training
show examples
 them with newcomers and average
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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. They have to
train
Use synonyms
 hard,
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
difficulties and
athletes
Use synonyms
 all around the world and gain with hard
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, a gold medal for their country.
Therefore
Linking Words
, top
athletes
Use synonyms
 have their own specialized training system and
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 crew members that
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 with any type of problem. But, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 average people, who want to get the same experience with their own crew and special training system,
instead
Linking Words
 of working in a group of others. For
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
, it is a money question,
therefore
Linking Words
 it may cause
a drawbacks
Correct the article-noun agreement
drawbacks
a drawback
show examples
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 increasing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
taxes for
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 because it is cost a lot, to pay and hold different buildings, crew members, medical purposes and etc.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should pay attention to people who
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
Use synonyms
train
Fix the infinitive
to train
show examples
 and lose weight or become professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 and reach
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 top and gain experience with a lot of different achievements. But, do not forget about already top
athletes
Use synonyms
 and help them get new powers for tournaments,
also
Linking Words
 they could be personal trainers on vacation or
make
Verb problem
do
show examples
 group training for different ages.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
 can bring investors to help with providing sports facilities for everyone in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.
Submitted by fake37603 on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction.
task achievement
Expand on your supporting points with more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your ideas are logically organized and connected.
grammatical range accuracy
Use appropriate punctuation and sentence structure.
task achievement
Consider balancing your argument by addressing opposing viewpoints.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary to enhance your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialised facilities
  • train top athletes
  • international sports
  • boost
  • reputation
  • attract
  • sporting events
  • access
  • general public
  • inequality
  • opportunities
  • overemphasis
  • elite sports
  • neglect
  • grassroots development
What to do next:
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