IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some think that experiment done on animals are cruel so it should be prohibited. To what extend do you agree?

#think #experiment #animals
These days , it is commonly known to everyone that medical experiments are tested on
animals
 first before it is used on
humans
. Many people believe that
such
 experiments
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 be avoided considering the suffering of
such
 beings. In my opinion, I believe that the government should enforce an alternate method of testing to save the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of
such
 beings.
This
 essay will discuss my opinion with supporting evidence in detail.
Firstly
, I would say that there are immense improvements in
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
 industry
due to
 the advent of
tehcnology
Correct your spelling
technology
.
In other words
, doctors started experimenting
clones
Change preposition
with clones
show examples
 using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stem cell technology which is exactly
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as
humans
 with the same genetic structure. We can utilise
such
 cloned bodies for experimental
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 since we know it
doesnt
Correct your spelling
doesn't
 cause any harm to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
living creatures.
For instance
, In
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
, medicines that can cure cancers are being tested on human clones which
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 created in laboratory
enviornments
Correct your spelling
environments
 to get the exact results
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we get on
humans
.
Secondly
, I would say that experiments on
animals
 could not show the exact symptoms or provide results
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 needed to be
further
 treated.
This
 is mainly
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 of the difference in genes between
humans
 and
animals
.
In addition
, we performed
such
testings
Replace the word
tests
show examples
 in
olden
Correct article usage
the olden
show examples
 days because of the lack of technological
developement
Correct your spelling
development
,
however
, these days we have ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
resources to rely on in order to yield a perfect result than killing an animal.
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, there are more associations developed to protect the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of
animals
such
 as
blue
Correct article usage
the blue
show examples
cross
Capitalize word
Cross
show examples
 from
such
 happenings.
To conclude
, In my opinion, we should look for an alternate procedure
such
 as
cloned
Wrong verb form
cloning
show examples
humans
 rather than experimenting on
animals
 to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 results
as well as
 avoid taking the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of poor beings.
Submitted by jeeanay on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammatical
Be careful with grammar and punctuation errors.
lexical
Use more formal and academic vocabulary.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a stronger introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Add more examples or evidence to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cruel
  • prohibited
  • controversial
  • ethical concerns
  • benefits
  • medical research
  • scientific knowledge
  • new treatments
  • regulated
  • ethical guidelines
  • minimize harm
  • alternative methods
  • explored
  • encouraged
  • public opinion
  • divided
What to do next:
Look at other essays: