IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Write about the following topic: Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#topic #countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women
With multiple wars happening all around the world, the recruitment of people to enter the army has become a highly debated topic. Some individuals argue that serving
the
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in the
show examples
 military should be an obligation for both men and women,
while
 others refuse
this
 idea. In
this
essay
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essay,
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 I will
especify
Correct your spelling
specify
 the reasons why I do not agree with compulsory military service. It is unarguable that not everyone is healthy enough to become a soldier. Even if the individual is physically athletic, the mental state of a person might not be sufficiently strong to cope with war scenarios. Forcing
this
 could lead to depression, anxiety,
post traumatic
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post-traumatic
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 disorder and eventually even suicide. The USA,
for example
, face a very large group of soldiers in treatment for psychiatric conditions nowadays.
This
 leads to higher health-care costs, less working force and a possibly lower national development rate.
Secondly
, compulsory feminine work could have even worse results. Depending on how long they must work
for
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apply
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in the armed forces, recruiting women after school age could lead them to postpone pregnancies which might impact massively
on
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apply
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birth rates. In
long
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the long
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 term, the population of the country could shrink, which is exactly the opposite of what the military service aims for: protecting the nation and its growth.
To conclude
, I believe that governments should not impose
to
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on
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 population to become a part of the armed forces since
this
 could harm its population
on
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in
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 an irreparable way. In order to establish a competent army, governments should offer good salaries and protection to the ones
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 decide to serve their country.
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task achievement
Ensure that the arguments are balanced and address both sides if possible.
coherence cohesion
Double-check for minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes.
introduction conclusion present
The essay offers a clear introduction and a strong conclusion that encapsulates the main argument effectively.
supported main points
The use of specific examples like the situation in the USA adds depth and relevance to the argument.
logical structure
There's a consistent logical flow throughout the essay, making it easy to follow the writer's argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory military service
  • Conscription
  • National unity
  • Patriotism
  • Life skills
  • Discipline
  • Readily available defense force
  • Disruption
  • Moral and ethical beliefs
  • Gender equality
  • Stereotypes
  • Alternatives
  • Social service
  • Community service
  • Psychological impact
  • Economic impacts
  • Mandatory conscription
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