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Band 5.5

What is your preference when you are going to by a new electronic device: friend recommendation or read magazines, newspaper or an article? Give reasons and examples to support your opinion.

#device #friend #recommendation #magazines #newspaper #article #support
Nowadays with new technologies
have
Wrong verb form
it has
show examples
gotten
Verb problem
become
show examples
 easier to find out information about
electronic
Correct article usage
the electronic
show examples
 devices we are looking for, but still have a lot of people who
prefers
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefer
show examples
friend's
Fix the agreement mistake
friends'
show examples
 recommendations
instead
using
Change preposition
of using
show examples
 the Internet as an ally. In
this
 essay, I will show why,
although
 knowing that a
friend
Change noun form
friend's
show examples
 recommendation can lead you to a big deal, I prefer
read
Add the particle
to read
show examples
articles
 about an electronic
device
 I
am wishing
Wrong verb form
wish
show examples
 to have.
Firstly
, when I am looking for a new
device
, I like to dive
in in
Change preposition
into
show examples
articles
 with the purpose
to know
Change preposition
of knowing
show examples
 specific details that can help me on my days.
For example
, my actual cellphone I did
this
 and I did not regret my shop because all
information
Correct article usage
the information
show examples
 I found, I wrote and compared with other
cellphones
Change the noun form
cellphone
show examples
articles
 information. Doing
this
, I chose the best one which fit
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my savings and needs.
On the other hand
, it was not what happened with my husband when he bought his phone
as a result
 of a
friend
Change noun form
friend's
show examples
 advice and totally
regreted
Correct your spelling
regretted
 it. To illustrate, my husband's
friend
 bought an ultimate
device
 and said to the world how good it is, keeping his mouth shut on the battery duration topic, which lasts a few hours and
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be recharged 3 times a day. So, it was a terrible recommendation for him, because he
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
works with his phone and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to always be next to a socket.
To sum up
,
look
Wrong verb form
looking
show examples
 for recommendations
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 friends might be a good thing, but after that, run to read some
articles
 about your
friends
Change noun form
friend's
friends'
show examples
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
. Personally, mixing these two actions to buy any type of electronic
device
 is the best way to reach the expected goals.
Submitted by Juliana Da Silva on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the structure of the essay is clear and follows a logical progression of ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include a conclusion paragraph to summarize your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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