IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The government is spending a lot of money discovering other planets. Some people think that the government is wasting money and should spend more money addressing the problem of the public. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #planets #people
Since the
discovery
 of
telescope
Correct article usage
the telescope
show examples
, scientists have made
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countless amount of major breakthroughs.
According to
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some thoughts, the
mind boggling
Add a hyphen
mind-boggling
show examples
 amount of expenses spent on the development of
space
Correct article usage
the space
show examples
 industry should be
channelized
Verb problem
channelled
show examples
 to other alternatives
such
 as
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
 of public-related activities. It is my firm belief that investing in space activities to unearth the mysteries of outside
planets
 is one of the most pragmatic ways for a country to allocate its budget. First of all,
although
 some people claim that the budget amount diverted to the
discovery
 of other
planets
 is much less in
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 with other activities that are placed on the government
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
. As a proponent of
notion
Add an article
the notion
show examples
 that humans are destined to be morphed into
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
multiplanetary
Correct your spelling
multi-planetary
multi planetary
speicies
Correct your spelling
species
, I think
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extraterrestrial knowledge has a lot to offer us so that we can exceed the earthy boundaries.
For instance
, after the
discovery
 of
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 8
planets
 in our solar system, we learnt the new element forms and
also
 witnessed
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
certain conditions that
thought
Add a missing verb
were thought
show examples
 to be impossible until that time.
Furthermore
, the history of Saturn alone gives us
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
priceless data about the formation of
Add an article
the earth
show examples
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
 and its inner cores. Through harnessing
this
 data, the scientists are advancing even
further
, taking one more step for making humanity a multiplanetary
specie
Fix the agreement mistake
species
show examples
. To support my narrative, I believe
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
 is already one of the top tier priorities of any
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
 to support the public and
constribute
Correct your spelling
contribute
contributed
 as
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 resources as possible.
However
, the space industry has solely been
now
Rephrase
apply
show examples
gaining the attention it deserves throughout the decades. If a government is
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
short
resources
Change preposition
of resources
show examples
 for the
discovery
 of new
planets
 and knowledge that comes alongside,
then
reverse
Add an article
the reverse
show examples
 effect will be started,
thus
will evade
Wrong verb form
evading
show examples
 the previous enthusiasm and commitments.
To sum up
, I strongly agree with the idea that governments should keep financing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
investments regarding the
discovery
 of
unkown
Correct your spelling
unknown
planets
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our galaxy.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Develop your arguments more thoroughly to provide stronger support for your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar, as there are some errors and unclear sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: