IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The best way to reduce youth crime is to educate parents about good parenting skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#youth #crime #parents #skills
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 need to be educated in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of parenting skills which can decrease the crime rate committed by adolescents. I hold the view that not only
parents
Use synonyms
 have good parenting skills but
also
Linking Words
 their
children
Use synonyms
 need to be taught how to be good
human
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humans
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 in
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society
show examples
.
Firstly
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, most of the young
people
Use synonyms
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 most of their time with family. From the earlier age from two to five years old, they will mimic what they see in
home
Add an article
the home
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 environment including their mother and father.
Thus
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, the
parents
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 need to have knowledge
how
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of how
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 to deal
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this
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with this
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 kind of
situations
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situation
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 in order to have a good role model.
Furthermore
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, at the
developments
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development
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 stage,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
Use synonyms
 often have a lot of curiosity
to
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about
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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things
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
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 something that they
first seen
Add the auxiliary verb
saw
have first seen
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.
For instance
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, they will see television shows like action
movie
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movies
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 that have
violence
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violent
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scene
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scenes
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.
Parents
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 have to select the television program carefully for their
children
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.
On the other hand
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
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itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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need to be educated in order to be good
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
societies. They can be taught both by their families in the house and
Change preposition
by teacher
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teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 when they go to school. In
this
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 way, they will have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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knowledge from
the
Correct article usage
a
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 young age
how
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of how
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 to be a good person
and
Correct word choice
apply
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lead
Wrong verb form
leading
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the
Change preposition
to the
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 decreasing
of
Change preposition
apply
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crime rate.
To sum up
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, it is good to have
parents
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 with good parenting skills in order to reduce
the
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apply
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crime involving
the
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apply
show examples
younger
people
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. I believe that other actions need to be done that the young
people
Use synonyms
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
also
Linking Words
 need to be taught how to be a good
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by galihw on

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Be more careful with your sentence structure and use correct grammar.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nurturing environment
  • problematic behavior
  • adequately address
  • effective communication
  • supervision and guidance
  • positive activities
  • youth crime
  • parental skills
  • early signs
  • foster understanding
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