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Band 5.5

The best way to reduce youth crime is to educate parents about good parenting skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#youth #crime #parents #skills
Some
people
 believe that
parents
 need to be educated in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of parenting skills which can decrease the crime rate committed by adolescents. I hold the view that not only
parents
 have good parenting skills but
also
 their
children
 need to be taught how to be good
human
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humans
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 in
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society
show examples
.
Firstly
, most of the young
people
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 most of their time with family. From the earlier age from two to five years old, they will mimic what they see in
home
Add an article
the home
show examples
 environment including their mother and father.
Thus
, the
parents
 need to have knowledge
how
Change preposition
of how
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 to deal
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 kind of
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
 in order to have a good role model.
Furthermore
, at the
developments
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development
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 stage,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
 often have a lot of curiosity
to
Change preposition
about
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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things
especially
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,especially
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 something that they
first seen
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saw
have first seen
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.
For instance
, they will see television shows like action
movie
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movies
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 that have
violence
Replace the word
violent
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scene
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scenes
show examples
.
Parents
 have to select the television program carefully for their
children
.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
need to be educated in order to be good
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
societies. They can be taught both by their families in the house and
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by teacher
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 when they go to school. In
this
 way, they will have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge from
the
Correct article usage
a
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 young age
how
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of how
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 to be a good person
and
Correct word choice
apply
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lead
Wrong verb form
leading
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the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 decreasing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crime rate.
To sum up
, it is good to have
parents
 with good parenting skills in order to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime involving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
younger
people
. I believe that other actions need to be done that the young
people
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
also
 need to be taught how to be a good
people
.
Submitted by galihw on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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