IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children.

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Nowadays technology
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 increasing day by day
this
Linking Words
 is because teenagers are
taking
Verb problem
gaining
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 knowledge frequently. recently
speanding
Correct your spelling
spending
time
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the kids in front of
Use synonyms
television
Correct article usage
the television
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 leads to merits
as well as
Linking Words
 demerits. In
this
Linking Words
 essay
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 intend to analyse the benefits
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 education
programme
Fix the agreement mistake
programmes
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however
Linking Words
side-effect
Change the noun form
side-effects
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such
Linking Words
 as
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle and potential
health
Use synonyms
 problems. On the one hand ,
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
television
Use synonyms
 gives numerous
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
television
Use synonyms
 can provide a wide range of educational content,
such
Linking Words
 as documentaries, science laws, and historical
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 which can enhance learning and knowledge.
In other words
Linking Words
,
I
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 might be said that some education
Use synonyms
channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
show examples
 are providing study material to the
children
Use synonyms
afterthat
Correct your spelling
after that
 they can
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 easily in their
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 more
channel
Use synonyms
 gives a lot of information,
Correct article usage
the dicovery
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dicovery
Correct your spelling
discovery
channel
Use synonyms
 offer geographical knowledge clearly every
time
Use synonyms
 after watching
this
Linking Words
channel
Use synonyms
 child can grow
their skills power
Change to a genitive case
the power of their skills
show examples
. On the other legitimate side, spending too much
time
Use synonyms
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of the screen can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle
as well as
Linking Words
 hazardous
health
Use synonyms
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 on their body.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, if preschool students were
spend
Fix the infinitive
to spend
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 approximately five hours
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
days
Correct the article-noun agreement
day
show examples
 that would
tends
Wrong verb form
tend
show examples
 to more
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 asthma, obesity,
heart-attack
Correct your spelling
and heart attacks
show examples
. Despite that, I would like to say that it can cause eyes
problem
Change the noun form
problems
show examples
 like
cataract
Fix the agreement mistake
cataracts
show examples
 and
glucoma
Correct your spelling
glaucoma
. To illustrate, In India half
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 of toddlers are facing
health
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 especially
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 are not focusing on their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
even-though
Correct your spelling
even though
show examples
 watching
television
Use synonyms
 has more fruitful advantages , A few
children
Use synonyms
 have faced more worse
health
Use synonyms
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 technique.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if it
minimize
Change the verb form
minimizes
show examples
 in some period of
time
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 thing can be solved by the people.

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing your ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion to help frame your essay.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more specific examples and evidence.
task achievement
Provide a more complete response to the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of television for children.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clear and comprehensive by providing more explanation and analysis.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational programs
  • diverse cultures
  • entertainment options
  • language skills
  • critical thinking
  • social awareness
  • shared experience
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • inappropriate content
  • academic performance
  • attention problems
  • social skills
  • commercial influence
  • addiction
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