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Band 4.5

Some children can learn efficiently by watching TV. Therefore, they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #home #school
There are some opinions about the effects of
television
 on
children
's education. Some
people
 think that
this
 is useful for the young generation's perception,
while
 in the mind of others, there is more negative effect than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positive. I agree with the second group of
people
.
Firstly
, parents can't control TV's content. There would be any kind of content
that is
 not intended for young
people
. You can say that there is a way to limit
children
's watching time. But you can't control your
children
 for 24 hours and 7 days a week. When watching TV becomes a habit,
children
 will find a way to do it.
Furthermore
,
television
 can limit
children
's creativity and imagination. When young
people
 read a book, they can imagine what is going on in their minds. But when they just watch it, they're just seeing the imagined outcome of a story written by someone else. On the other side, for
children
 who have difficulties in perception, it could
effect
Verb problem
be
show examples
positively
Change the word
positive
show examples
. When they see what is going on , they will understand better,
instead
 of just reading the information.
Moreover
,
television
 can expose
children
 to different cultures and perspectives. It may be more useful when they watch it at school. Because there is special content for school
television
.
To conclude
, preventing watching TV would be more efficient for
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation. In order to
preventing
Change the verb
prevent
show examples
 a lack of imagination.
Instead
, they should read more books to expand
worldview
Correct pronoun usage
their worldview
show examples
.
Submitted by croownguuard on

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task achievement
Provide a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Expand on the negative effects of TV on children's education.
coherence cohesion
Develop and explain your main points with more depth and clarity.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization and structure of your essay.
lexical resource
Consider using more varied vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Revise grammar to improve sentence structure and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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