Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#television #life #sense #community #people

television nowadays has become

invisible

Add an article

an invisible

show examples

threat to family and

sense

Correct article usage

a sense

show examples

of community because it

break

Change the verb form

breaks

show examples

down the relationship between people with people. In my point of view, I disagree with

this

opinion and I will explain why. First of all, we do not actually have time to visit friends. Avenger working time of one person is 8 hours so when come

home

usually is 6 p.m. shower, cooking and eating will cost 2 more hours and in 8p.m we do not have many things to do,

as well as

we would annoy

neighbor

Change the spelling

neighbour

show examples

in that time and we are tired after work all of the day. So

sit

Wrong verb form

sitting

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home

and

watch

Wrong verb form

watching

show examples

home

is the better solution for both. Television recently

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

many options for us like YouTube, Netflix and

shows.

Therefore

we could relax and entertain

without

Correct pronoun usage

ourselves without

show examples

cost

Correct article usage

the cost

show examples

energy

Change preposition

of energy

show examples

Moreover

, we still can hang out with friends on the weekend.

Secondly

underpin

Change the verb form

underpins

show examples

closeness

Replace the word

show examples

relationship between family member. Children and parents not only could unwind

Remove the comma

apply

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but could have the same

topic

Fix the agreement mistake

topics

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to discuss and conversations about other things when they are not at

home

Additionally

, we can do household chores

while

listening to music or news.

Beside

Replace the word

Besides

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that, television still divides

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

between

friend

Fix the agreement mistake

friends

show examples

with

friend

Fix the agreement mistake

friends

show examples

when they

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

lack opportunities to contact with other.

To conclude

is really split up communities. but it is not enough to destroy and the advantage brings is much

Change the word

apply

show examples

better.

Submitted by trung642k6 on Wed Oct 04 2023

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coherence cohesion

Improve the logical structure and organization of the essay. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details.

coherence cohesion

Add a stronger introduction and conclusion to provide a clear structure for the essay.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

242 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: <4

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. What is the cause of this damage? What should be done about this problem?

Several languages are in danger of extinction because they are spoken by very small numbers of people. Some people say that government should spend public money on saving these languages, While others believe that would be a waste of money. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some international companies are very powerful now and many people believe that it is a negative development. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your reasons and relevant examples.

One of the Consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?