Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#television #life #sense #community #people

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

television nowadays has become

invisible

Add an article

an invisible

show examples

threat to family and

sense

Correct article usage

a sense

show examples

of community because it

break

Change the verb form

breaks

show examples

down the relationship between people with people. In my point of view, I disagree with

this

Linking Words

opinion and I will explain why. First of all, we do not actually have time to visit friends. Avenger working time of one person is 8 hours so when come

home

Use synonyms

usually is 6 p.m. shower, cooking and eating will cost 2 more hours and in 8p.m we do not have many things to do,

as well as

Linking Words

we would annoy

neighbor

Change the spelling

neighbour

show examples

in that time and we are tired after work all of the day. So

sit

Wrong verb form

sitting

show examples

home

Use synonyms

and

watch

Wrong verb form

watching

show examples

Use synonyms

home

Use synonyms

is the better solution for both. Television recently

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

many options for us like YouTube, Netflix and

Use synonyms

shows.

Therefore

Linking Words

we could relax and entertain

without

Correct pronoun usage

ourselves without

show examples

cost

Correct article usage

the cost

show examples

energy

Change preposition

of energy

show examples

Moreover

Linking Words

, we still can hang out with friends on the weekend.

Secondly

Linking Words

Use synonyms

underpin

Change the verb form

underpins

show examples

closeness

Replace the word

show examples

relationship between family member. Children and parents not only could unwind

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but could have the same

topic

Fix the agreement mistake

topics

show examples

to discuss and conversations about other things when they are not at

home

Use synonyms

Additionally

Linking Words

, we can do household chores

while

Linking Words

listening to music or news.

Beside

Replace the word

Besides

show examples

that, television still divides

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

between

friend

Fix the agreement mistake

friends

show examples

with

friend

Fix the agreement mistake

friends

show examples

when they

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

lack opportunities to contact with other.

To conclude

Linking Words

Use synonyms

is really split up communities. but it is not enough to destroy and the advantage brings is much

Change the word

apply

show examples

better.

Submitted by trung642k6 on Wed Oct 04 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Improve the logical structure and organization of the essay. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details.

coherence cohesion

Add a stronger introduction and conclusion to provide a clear structure for the essay.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: <4

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

242 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antartica. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the tourists who visit such places?
Easy and fast access to tourism has enabled individuals to visit remote regions named the Antarctic and the Sahara desert. Even though they are hard to survive, many people nowadays travel to them more often than past. Although it has facilitated humans to gain a unique experience, it has created adverse impacts on the environment and local habitats.
7.5
band
Nowadays more and more people use robots at home and work. Do you think it is positive or negative?
Nowadays more and more people use robots at home and work. Do you think it is positive or negative?
7
band
Please, write an essay. Use all information we have had for essays so far and restrict yourself to timing.
In developed countries, the life quality in urban territories is much higher than in villages. That is why the population migrate to big cities from rural areas. It causes two main problems such as childbirth decreasing and the loss agricultural sector of the economy. There are two main solutions that can be provided to eliminate these issues.
7
band
Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
It is notable that the majority of victual goods contain an immense amount of carbohydrates which contributes to several health issues such as diabetes and obesity. It is believed that by increasing the prices of manufactured sugary products, people will tend to tone down their sugar intake. From my point of view, I think this is not a good idea and disagree with such an imposition on sugar-sweetened food and drink.
6.5
band
With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered and some are even facing extinction.
Animals are one of the unique creatures which have been endangered in the last couple of years owing to human activities, hunting season, and global warming which is affecting their habitat. Hence, in this essay, I will discuss reasons why we must protect animals and measures which can be taken to minimize this problem.

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antartica. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the tourists who visit such places?

Nowadays more and more people use robots at home and work. Do you think it is positive or negative?

Please, write an essay. Use all information we have had for essays so far and restrict yourself to timing.

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered and some are even facing extinction.