Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governmnents must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
People are divided in their opinion regarding the government's investments, some people think that the government should invest in public
services
, Use synonyms
instead
of Linking Words
arts
. I believe that spending on Use synonyms
arts
is not a waste of money and Use synonyms
arts
should be invested by the Use synonyms
the
government at the same level as public needs.
On the one hand, art has a big importance in our lives, because it helps us to understand the world better. Remove the redundancy
apply
Arts
Use synonyms
such
as Linking Words
music
and theatre are an essential part of our culture. Use synonyms
For instance
, listening to the Linking Words
music
sounded by national Use synonyms
music
instruments may increase our sense of self-awareness, and help to understand some historical events. Use synonyms
Linking Words
Moreover
theatres are not only a builder of Add a comma
Moreover,
human
and society,Fix the agreement mistake
humans
Add the word(s)
but
also
a source of earning money and Linking Words
work place
for millions, which can Correct your spelling
workplace
also
inspire you for big openings.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, public Linking Words
services
are Use synonyms
also
important, Linking Words
therefore
they Linking Words
also
need to be invested. Public Linking Words
services
including transport, healthcare and education are major parts of everyone's life. It is known to everybody that it is impossible to live without public works. Beneficial health care is needed in order to help society stay healthy, Use synonyms
whereas
qualified education is a fundamental thing for a bright future. Linking Words
Also
, public Linking Words
services
are a massive source of employment.
In conclusion, both public Use synonyms
services
and Use synonyms
arts
are meaningful aspects of our lives, so governments must fund them both. Use synonyms
Music
and theatres heal the soul and help to become a part of a society, that appreciates its ancients and history, Use synonyms
while
public Linking Words
services
like health care and education not only heal you physicallyUse synonyms
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
keep you in form.Linking Words
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more thoroughly developed with further analysis and specific examples demonstrating the benefits of arts. You should also address the other side of the argument adequately by discussing why some believe investment in public services is more important. This would provide a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
While there's a logical flow to your essay, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and the paragraphing can be improved to enhance the logical structure. Try to present each main idea in a new paragraph with a clear topic sentence followed by explanations or examples.
lexical resource
Be cautious with grammatical errors and the accuracy of word choices, as these can obscure your meaning or reduce the impact of your essay. Phrases such as 'builder of human and society' and 'earnings money and work place for millions' are incorrect or awkward. Work on accuracy and more sophisticated language structures.
grammatical range and accuracy
You demonstrate a range of structures, yet there are errors with verb forms and some awkward constructions. To advance your score, focus on using a variety of complex sentence structures accurately, and ensure that your sentences clearly express your ideas without errors that detract from the meaning.