Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governmnents must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
People are divided in their opinion regarding the government's investments, some people think that the government should invest in public
services
, instead
of arts
. I believe that spending on arts
is not a waste of money and arts
should be invested by the the
government at the same level as public needs.
On the one hand, art has a big importance in our lives, because it helps us to understand the world better. Remove the redundancy
apply
Arts
such
as music
and theatre are an essential part of our culture. For instance
, listening to the music
sounded by national music
instruments may increase our sense of self-awareness, and help to understand some historical events. Moreover
theatres are not only a builder of Add a comma
Moreover,
human
and society,Fix the agreement mistake
humans
Add the word(s)
but
also
a source of earning money and work place
for millions, which can Correct your spelling
workplace
also
inspire you for big openings.
On the other hand
, public services
are also
important, therefore
they also
need to be invested. Public services
including transport, healthcare and education are major parts of everyone's life. It is known to everybody that it is impossible to live without public works. Beneficial health care is needed in order to help society stay healthy, whereas
qualified education is a fundamental thing for a bright future. Also
, public services
are a massive source of employment.
In conclusion, both public services
and arts
are meaningful aspects of our lives, so governments must fund them both. Music
and theatres heal the soul and help to become a part of a society, that appreciates its ancients and history, while
public services
like health care and education not only heal you physically,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
keep you in form.Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more thoroughly developed with further analysis and specific examples demonstrating the benefits of arts. You should also address the other side of the argument adequately by discussing why some believe investment in public services is more important. This would provide a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
While there's a logical flow to your essay, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and the paragraphing can be improved to enhance the logical structure. Try to present each main idea in a new paragraph with a clear topic sentence followed by explanations or examples.
lexical resource
Be cautious with grammatical errors and the accuracy of word choices, as these can obscure your meaning or reduce the impact of your essay. Phrases such as 'builder of human and society' and 'earnings money and work place for millions' are incorrect or awkward. Work on accuracy and more sophisticated language structures.
grammatical range and accuracy
You demonstrate a range of structures, yet there are errors with verb forms and some awkward constructions. To advance your score, focus on using a variety of complex sentence structures accurately, and ensure that your sentences clearly express your ideas without errors that detract from the meaning.