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Writing Samples
Band 7

Government spends a lot of money on education. More money should be spent on free time activities. To what extent do agree or disagree?

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It is argued by some that the government should spend lots of money on
education
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,
whereas
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 others believe that more money should be spent on free time
activities
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and give my opinion. On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why people believe that government funding should be forwarded to
education
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.
First,
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education
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 is seen as a fundamental right and a means to provide equal opportunities for all citizens. In fact, government funding can ensure that every child has access to a quality
education
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, regardless of their economic circumstances, by creating free classrooms and classrooms in mountainous areas.
Second,
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investing in
education
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 is investing in the future of the country.
This
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 means that well-educated citizens are more likely to contribute to the workforce and drive economic growth.
On the other hand
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, there are compelling reasons for governments to allocate resources to support free time
activities
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.
First,
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engaging in recreational
activities
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 can improve mental health. In fact, leisure
activities
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 can reduce stress, anxiety and depression.
As a result
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, mentally healthy people are more productive and optimistic.
Second,
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leisure
activities
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 can contribute to better physical health.
This
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 means that regular exercise, sports, and outdoor
activities
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 can help prevent chronic diseases, reduce healthcare costs, and improve the quality of life. In conclusion, with the aforementioned,
although
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 free time
activities
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 bring benefits to both mental and physical health, I believe that funding
education
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 is definitely important since it can increase the future earnings of a country.

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task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction.
task achievement
Develop each point with more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion reflect the content of the essay more effectively.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to parallelism and consistency in verb tenses.
lexical resource
Strive for more varied and precise vocabulary choices.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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