IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self employed, rather than to work for a company or oragnisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

These days, some people prefer to have
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
business
Use synonyms
 rather than being
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 who
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 for a company. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, some related reason
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon
occur
Change the verb form
occurs
show examples
 is argued.
Also
Linking Words
, some cons of
self-employment
Use synonyms
 are presented.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, many people tend to land a proper
job
Use synonyms
 when applying after graduation.
However
Linking Words
, after finding a
job
Use synonyms
, some injustice in the workplace including
gender-inequality
Correct your spelling
gender inequality
show examples
 matters and pay gaps
triggers
Correct subject-verb agreement
trigger
show examples
 the mindset of working for
own self
Correct your spelling
oneself
show examples
.
Taken
Wrong verb form
Take
show examples
,
for example
Linking Words
 facing an individual
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
whose
show examples
 lack of knowledge and maturity is obvious in his/her decisions. Suppose that
such
Linking Words
 a superior manager gains three times as much money as a skilled specialist.
This
Linking Words
 is the turning point
that
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the specialist feels demotivated to pursue the career path and try to find another
job
Use synonyms
. If
such
Linking Words
 a
job
Use synonyms
 applicant experiences
this
Linking Words
again
Add the comma(s)
,again
show examples
 and again, the notion of being
Use synonyms
self-employment
Replace the word
self-employed
show examples
 or
own
Wrong verb form
owning
show examples
Use synonyms
business
Correct article usage
a business
show examples
 establishment comes
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 her/his mind.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some women feel that they cannot rise through the rank in a macho subculture, and
this
Linking Words
therefore
Linking Words
 forces
her
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to change
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 to build
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, rarely does advancement in own career proceed without any struggle. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, making a profitable
job
Use synonyms
 or keeping a
business
Use synonyms
 alive
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
 not only adequate skills but
also
Linking Words
 being a step ahead of competitors and counterparts. Not paying proper attention to the basics of starting a
job
Use synonyms
, some newly established businesses and start-ups failed before celebrating even the first year of launch
due to
Linking Words
 bankruptcy.
This
Linking Words
 may be owing to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of financial support and
Use synonyms
business
Correct article usage
a business
show examples
 plan. In terms of psychological aspects,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic fluctuations may dramatically influence the small-size
business
Use synonyms
 and all the stress accumulated by risks and pressure
resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 starting
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 new
business
Use synonyms
 can negatively impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the founders so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it will make it difficult to wind down even after a considerable
while
Linking Words
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
self-employment
Use synonyms
 may free
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals from some
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 of
unfairly
Add a missing verb
being unfairly
show examples
 compensated or gender inequality conditions, the founders should shoulder the side effects
such
Linking Words
 as financial risks of
self-employment
Use synonyms
 and mental pressures.

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task achievement
Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main ideas.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and vary your sentence structures.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to grammar errors and sentence construction.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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