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Band 4

Parents want to achieve balance between family and career. Some say that parents have to quit their jobs to raise their children. Some, however, think that it is okay to have a full-time job while raising children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

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Nowadays,
parents
Use synonyms
 want to balance their personal and professional lives. Some people believe that
parents
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 have to leave their jobs to nurture their
children
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,
meanwhile
Add a comma
,meanwhile
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 others argue that it is normal to continue their career
in
Change preposition
during
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 the period of raising
children
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. On the one hand, having a full-time job is really common for
parents
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while
Linking Words
 parenting
to
Change preposition
apply
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their
children
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, because it helps many fathers and mothers to maintain the stability of their financial status or level which means, they will not be dependent on someone economically to afford the basic needs for their
children
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, including clothes and food.
Furthermore
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, taking a break in the career path may have a negative impact on
parents
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. Specifically, a five-year time period to raise
children
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 may lead to some losses in terms of experience and skills.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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 will be unable to concentrate much of their attention on their sons and daughters as long as they have permanent jobs
,
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apply
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 since building a strong career requires plenty of time and energy.
Moreover
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, not getting enough attention and kindness from
parents
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 has a huge impact on the physical and physiological
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 of young boys and girls.
For instance
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, as they get older, they are going to feel dissatisfaction with their childhood.
Additionally
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,
this
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 process can cause some mental disorders( anxiety problems,
behavior
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behaviour
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 problems, and depression) in
children
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. In conclusion, both views might be appropriate to some extent, but I would argue that all
parents
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 should allocate more attention and energy
for
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to
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 raising their
children
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 compared to their professional lives, as I believe that
upbringing
Correct article usage
the upbringing
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 and mindset of a child
is
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are
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 highly connected to the
parents
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 in the period of growing up.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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