IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Should International news be kept as a subject in secondary school. Discuss both sides.

#news #school
Parents
 who
sent
Wrong verb form
send
show examples
 their offspring
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 non-government schools should not
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
pay income tax and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should help their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 education system. I totally agree with
this
 statement and my
further
 justification will come in
further
 paragraphs
along with
 some relative examples. To commence with, families who pay high
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of property in public
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should not pay any levy there are several reasons behind
this
.
Firstly
, they already contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 economy because they pay
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 amount of pay in only education system which is beneficial for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
.
For instance
, those offspring who study in
private
Add an article
the private
a private
show examples
 department
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
pay high capital to
academy
Add an article
the academy
show examples
 which
directely
Correct your spelling
directly
 goes to the administration and help
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
growth
Replace the word
grow
show examples
.
Secondly
, the teachers who earn capital for public academy
also
 pay
levy
Add an article
a levy
the levy
show examples
 to direct the ministry which means the administration take twice
taxes
Correct article usage
the taxes
show examples
 from various sources which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not good for families.
Lastly
, all staff members of
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 earn cash from their
parents
 which
also
 they pay
taxes
 in
other form
Change the wording
another form
other forms
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means
parents
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 required to pay any price to the ministry.
On the other hand
, as per the government
policy
Add a comma
,policy
show examples
 all citizens need to pay
taxes
 to the administration because it is their choice
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
 their children study in
Correct article usage
a govenrment
show examples
govenrment
Correct your spelling
government
school
 or
private
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
 academy.
Additionally
, the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 already
open
Replace the word
opened
show examples
 many
school
Change to a plural noun
schools
show examples
 in my cities and
free
Add a missing verb
are free
show examples
 of education
provide
Verb problem
apply
show examples
so no need to go
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 public
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
. To give an overview, public
school
 offspring's
parents
Add a missing verb
do no
show examples
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 need to pay
taxes
 to the authority because they already pay in advance.
However
, as per authority rule all citizens need to pay
taxes
.
Submitted by er.lerulal on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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