Some people think that the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather
Correct word choice
than to
show examples
to
Remove the marker
apply
show examples
benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Some individuals argue that the major intention of schools is to make
off springs
Correct your spelling
offspring
show examples
into good citizens and laborers
while
others claim that it is beneficial for children. In my opinion, I partially agree with
this
statement, and my reason will be elaborated on in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
with, most of the subjects that are taught in schools aim to teach us how to be appropriate national for the government.
Moreover
, sometimes these courses are not really
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
for pupils since they are not really interested in that subject,
However
, they should pass these lessons which will teach them about acting politely, which leads to kind and respectful folks. As an example, social studies will aim to help us become well-behaved residents of society in the future.
On the other hand
, the duration of time that juveniles spend attending school is equivalent to the work hours of worker individuals. Indeed, they both spend most of their golden time putting effort into tasks that they are disinterested in and
at the end
of the day, they are just too exhausted to find their actual talent.
For instance
, in some nations, some jobs are not considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
real careers
such
as being an artist and at times, families do not allow their child to follow their dreams and force them to be
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ordinary
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
normal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
and work from 9 to 5 like other human beings. In conclusion, schools may play a significant role in pupils’ life,
however
, most people
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
that, their focus on nurturing good kids for the future system and
also
, helpful workers in their place of work. I
extremally
Replace the word
extremely
show examples
agree with
this
viewpoint.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure there is a clear introduction and conclusion in your essay to provide a complete structure.
supported main points
Provide more detailed support for your main points and examples to strengthen your argument.
lexical resource
Consider using more varied vocabulary to improve your lexical resource.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve your grammatical range and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • shaping
  • developing
  • unique talents
  • potential
  • well-rounded
  • academic
  • social
  • emotional development
  • personal growth
  • contribute positively
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • individuality
  • happier and more fulfilled
  • strike a balance
  • preparing students for the workforce
  • nurturing
  • individual needs
  • pursue passions and interests
  • thrive
  • future professionals
  • community institutions
  • shape community values
  • foster civic engagement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: