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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
This
Linking Words
 bar chart illustrates
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the percentage of American
people
Use synonyms
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 eaten their foods at fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants between 2003 and 2013. In 2003, the number of
people
Use synonyms
ate
Correct pronoun usage
who ate
show examples
 their
food
Use synonyms
 at the restaurant
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 was the most .
Also
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 to go the
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 mostly once a week. Actually, there were a few
people
Use synonyms
 who did not like to go to the restaurant and eat fast
food
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,in 2006 the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to the
resaurant
Correct your spelling
restaurant
 once a week
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased. In 2013, we had
a major changes
Correct the article-noun agreement
major changes
a major change
show examples
 and the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who did not like to eat fast
food
Use synonyms
 were
incearsed
Correct your spelling
increased
. We estimated
35
Correct word choice
that 35
show examples
% of American
people
Use synonyms
 ate fast
food
Use synonyms
 once or twice a month which was a
highly percent
Replace the word
high percentage
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
Change preposition
in
show examples
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 these three years.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, 15% of
people
Use synonyms
prefered
Correct your spelling
prefer
 to eat fast
food
Use synonyms
 a few times a year. In general, we can
conclued
Correct your spelling
conclude
concluded
, with the passing of these years more and more
people
Use synonyms
 were becoming
consious
Correct your spelling
conscious
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the harm of fast
food
Use synonyms
 and it helped
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to
ate
Change the verb
eat
show examples
 healthier
food
Use synonyms
.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, food with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fast food consumption
  • dining frequency
  • decade overview
  • trend analysis
  • to dine out
  • fluctuation
  • sharp increase
  • gradual decline
  • eating habits
  • statistical comparison
  • consuming pattern
  • noteworthy change
  • anomaly
  • periodic comparison
  • data interpretation
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