Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on every day matters (such as foods, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

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Although
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it is argued by some individuals that if
parents
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let their
children
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decide on their issues, it will lead to having selfish individuals in the community in the future, some believe that making
decisions
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is very significant for
children
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and should be taken more into consideration. Decision making is as vital as other skills which are essential for kids which should be taught by
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as well as
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schools regarding the matters they face daily in their life,
however
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, some people are opposed to
this
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idea claiming that not only is not it beneficial for the
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to learn how to make
decisions
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
Remove the comma
apply

The comma before the conjunction but appears to be unnecessary. Consider removing it.

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but
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

it will have a negative impact in the community by treating selfish individuals. We can take food, clothes, and entertainment as salient examples of everyday affairs which should be made by
children
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`s own ideas as
parents
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must know the fact that
children
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want to have a notable characteristic in society. Having known about it earlier, they would have encouraged their kids to be taught step-by-step how to make
decisions
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in their lives.
However
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, there is another group including me who do not think so as they believe that the more experience
children
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have in decision-making from
the
Correct article usage
an

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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early age, the better
decisions
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

they can make in the future and the more successful people they will become in their occupations.
Additionally
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they might have a better insight into issues that will be encountered by them in the foreseeable future.
Furthermore
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, it will remove their stress by knowing how to behave in various situations contributing to enhancing their self-esteem and making them head and shoulders above others. In conclusion, it would be absurd if
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

turned a blind eye to
this
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key issue by neglecting their
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

`s entitlement to be able to decide about their own affairs. As far as I have experienced with
this
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topic, I am definitely an advocate of the latter group as all aspects related to
this
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matter have been considered under certain circumstances.

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow by organizing ideas more clearly and ensuring each paragraph represents a single main idea.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your main points, which could enhance clarity and engagement.
coherence cohesion
The essay features a clear introduction and conclusion, offering a good overview and summary of your thoughts.
task achievement
You cover both sides of the argument, which contributes to a well-rounded essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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