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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that success is about hard work and determination. Others think that success has a connection with money and personal appearance. Discuss both views. Give your opinion and some of your own experiences.

#people #success #work #determination #connection #money #appearance #experiences
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Nowadays, some people think that success comes from working hard,
while
 others believe that becoming successful is all about
money
 and personal looks. Personally, I believe that you will become successful by working hard,
however
, sometimes having
money
 can be a helpful tool. I will explain my reasons in the following paragraphs. On the
one
 hand, it is obvious that the more determination you have, the more successful you become, even if you are not a rich person. There are so many poor people in history who became successful just by working hard.
For instance
, Steve Jobs is
one
 of the most famous and successful people in the world who was very poor in his childhood, but because he had a very strong intention and big goals from childhood, he turned into
one
 of the richest businessmen in the world.
On the other hand
, sometimes it can be easier to become prosperous by having
money
.
For example
, I know a friend whose dad was rich and gave him
money
 to start his own business. So, he helped him to become successful at an earlier time.
Moreover
, in regard to personal appearance, I believe that a person's appearance shouldn’t define her success.
For instance
, I know a girl who is blind from childhood but she has a very good voice. She started singing from an early age and now she is
one
 of the most successful singers in Iran.
As a result
, personal appearance is not related to success. In conclusion, I believe that it is not guaranteed to become successful by just having
money
 and you should work hard as well.
Submitted by parvane_ava on

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Provide a clear and concise thesis statement that directly addresses the topic.
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Consider using more transitional phrases or linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Expand on your examples and provide more details to support your points.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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