IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Students from disadvantaged families and rural areas are finding it difficult to get a university education. Some people believe that universities should help them. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #families #areas #university #education #people #universities
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Children
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 from less prosperous
families
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 and villages
also
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 deserve equal opportunities for
education
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 like other
children
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. Some individuals believe that higher
education
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 institutes should provide
support
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 to them and I totally agree with
this
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 statement,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 I
also
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 believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
contribute and
support
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 these bright students.
To begin
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 with, there are many young individuals who are doing extremely well in their
education
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, and these
children
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 come from middle-class
families
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 and from interior locations.
Hence
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 to
support
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 them Universities can provide scholarships and free accommodation which will help them fulfil their dreams and achieve their goals.
For instance
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, in the survey conducted by Oxford University in 2017, 40% of pupils who come from low-income
families
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 performed really well in their academics compared to
children
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 from well-established
families
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.
Moreover
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, even the government’s contribution will play a vital role in providing better
education
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 to these
children
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. The government can provide free
education
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 on the basis of student’s academic merits and
also
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 provide other infrastructure facilities like free internet access, online libraries and the latest gadgets like computers, laptops, iPads or mobile phones where
children
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 who are living in villages and find it difficult to study in cities can have easy access to any type of course and study material via the internet.
To conclude
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, I would say universities can provide
support
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 like concessions on course fees and accommodation
along with
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 that every country’s government can
also
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 help by providing the latest infrastructure to the students who are living in villages.
This
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 will help most of our bright pupils to study more and contribute to society.
Submitted by deepalivaz on

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coherence cohesion
Consider adding a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to clearly state your position.
coherence cohesion
Use transitions to improve the flow and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Consider expanding on the government's role in supporting disadvantaged students.
grammatical range accuracy
Proofread your essay for grammar mistakes.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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