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Band 7

Students from disadvantaged families and rural areas are finding it difficult to get a university education. Some people believe that universities should help them. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #families #areas #university #education #people #universities
Children
 from less prosperous
families
 and villages
also
 deserve equal opportunities for
education
 like other
children
. Some individuals believe that higher
education
 institutes should provide
support
 to them and I totally agree with
this
 statement,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 I
also
 believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
contribute and
support
 these bright students.
To begin
 with, there are many young individuals who are doing extremely well in their
education
, and these
children
 come from middle-class
families
 and from interior locations.
Hence
 to
support
 them Universities can provide scholarships and free accommodation which will help them fulfil their dreams and achieve their goals.
For instance
, in the survey conducted by Oxford University in 2017, 40% of pupils who come from low-income
families
 performed really well in their academics compared to
children
 from well-established
families
.
Moreover
, even the government’s contribution will play a vital role in providing better
education
 to these
children
. The government can provide free
education
 on the basis of student’s academic merits and
also
 provide other infrastructure facilities like free internet access, online libraries and the latest gadgets like computers, laptops, iPads or mobile phones where
children
 who are living in villages and find it difficult to study in cities can have easy access to any type of course and study material via the internet.
To conclude
, I would say universities can provide
support
 like concessions on course fees and accommodation
along with
 that every country’s government can
also
 help by providing the latest infrastructure to the students who are living in villages.
This
 will help most of our bright pupils to study more and contribute to society.
Submitted by deepalivaz on

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coherence cohesion
Consider adding a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to clearly state your position.
coherence cohesion
Use transitions to improve the flow and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Consider expanding on the government's role in supporting disadvantaged students.
grammatical range accuracy
Proofread your essay for grammar mistakes.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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