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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people feel that goverments should take a large proportion of people's salaries to pay for necessary services such as roads and school. Other feel that high taxes are a bad thing. Discuss both of view and your own opinion

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Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
governments
Use synonyms
 should collect a high proportion of citizens’ income in order to fund essential public
services
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that high taxation can have negative effects.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views before presenting my own opinion.
Body · 1
On the one hand, many
people
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 believe that paying taxes brings several benefits to society.
Governments
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 can use
this
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 money from citizens’ salaries to improve essential public
services
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, especially
healthcare
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.
For example
Linking Words
, they can invest in hospitals, medical equipment, and trained doctors, which allows
people
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 to receive better and faster treatment. In countries like Finland, high taxation helps maintain a strong
healthcare
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 system where residents can access affordable or even free medical
services
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.
As a result
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,
people
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 can enjoy a higher quality of life and feel more secure about their health.
Moreover
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, a well-funded
healthcare
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 system can improve
overall
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 productivity in society.
Body · 2
On the other hand
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, high taxation can create financial pressure for citizens. When
governments
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 take a large proportion of
people
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’s income, individuals are left with less disposable money, which can make daily life more difficult.
This
Linking Words
 can reduce consumer spending and slow down economic activity.
In addition
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, workers may feel less motivated to continue working
due to
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 financial stress caused by high living costs.
As a result
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, businesses could be negatively affected, leading to slower economic growth in the long term. In my opinion, high taxes can be difficult for citizens, but they are beneficial because they help
governments
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 improve
healthcare
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 and other public
services
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 high taxes may create financial pressure for citizens, I believe they are necessary because they help
governments
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 improve public
services
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 and support long-term economic development.

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task response
Write about both sides in a more equal way. Now the side for high tax is stronger than the side against it.
task response
Add one more clear example for the bad side of high tax. This will make your ideas more full.
task response
Your opinion is clear, but say it a little earlier and keep it strong in all body parts.
task response
Use topic words from the task, like roads and schools, not only healthcare. This makes the answer fit the question better.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are good, like On the one hand and On the other hand, but you can add more small links inside paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea grow step by step. In some parts, the support is a bit short.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
You use one real country example, and this helps your point.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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