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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that parents should set strict rules for their children if they want them to succeed in life. Others think that strict rules are not necessary for children to obtain success. Which do you think is better?

#people #parents #rules #children #life #success
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There are a lot of
people
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believe
Correct pronoun usage
who believe
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 that strict
rules
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 are critical for
children
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 in
order
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 to become successful.
However
Linking Words
, there is a huge amount of
people
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who considered
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considered
Wrong verb form
consider
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 that
rules
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 are not important in terms of being a success element. Let's discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
these ideas. There are a few reasons why
people
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said
Wrong verb form
say
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 that
rules
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 are crucial for
children
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.
First,
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it is believed that
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 will be able to learn a lot of values by following
rules
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. An example
for
Change preposition
of
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this
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 is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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teaching
children
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 to be grateful by saying "thank you" so they can express their
grattitude
Correct your spelling
gratitude
, which is considered extremely essential. In my opinion, another reason is that eventually
children
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 will grow up and join
the
Correct article usage
a
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 society in which following the
rules
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 is considered to be compulsory in
order
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 for
people
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 to fit in. I believe
that is
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 why it is crucial to make sure
children
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 can understand and experience living in
the
Correct article usage
an
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 environment with certain
rules
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 so that they have to respect the
rules
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 in
order
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 to prepare mentally
in
Change preposition
for
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 the future.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 arguments
about
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that
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 obtaining success does not require
children
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 to follow
rules
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. I think by setting harsh
rules
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 for them,
children
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's
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
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 and thinking will not develop to their true potential. An example
for
Change preposition
of
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this
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 is that many parents in Asia set out
rules
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such
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 as all subjects have to be scored perfectly in
order
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 to be considered competent and not a disgrace to the family.
Also
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, they are sometimes forced to study
major
Fix the agreement mistake
majors
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 and subjects which are not
their
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in their
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 arsenal and it would be a total waste if they can't reach their
best-self
Correct your spelling
best self
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. In conclusion, following orders are considered to be essential to many
people
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 because they believe it can help
children
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 to become successful
while
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 others consider it is somewhat harmful and
rules
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 have a negative impact on
children
Use synonyms
. Personally, I would say that following
rules
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 is what makes a society work and it is a learning process in which
children
Use synonyms
 can have exposure
of
Change preposition
to
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 living under many conditions just like
how
Rephrase
apply
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adults have to do to succeed.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to improve coherence and logical structure.
grammatical range accuracy
Vary your vocabulary and sentence structures to showcase a wider range of grammatical knowledge.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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