IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Ages of the population of Yamand and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050

#ages #population #yamand #projections
The pie charts
demonstrates
Change the verb form
demonstrate
show examples
 details data on two different countries namely Italy and Yemen the ages of the populations in 2000 and the prognosis for 2050
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the
percentage
 of Yemen teenagers is expected to increase in 2050. ,
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 the
percentage
 of Italy adolescents is estimated to grow in 2050.
To begin
 ,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
 the
percentage
 of Yemen children was represented as half of the population in 2000.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 the
proportion
 of the children was reduced to 37% in 2000. The unremarked change was seen in old people it stood at 3,6% in 2000 but is expected to reach 5,7% in 2050. In 2000
percentage
 of the teenagers was 46.3%
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
this
proportion
 increased to 57,3% prognosis for 2050.
According to the
Change preposition
The
show examples
percentage
 of ,Italy youthful was undergo with
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
almost three-fifths
percentage
 in 2000 and
this
 index is expected to decline to 46,2% in 2050.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
proportion
 of the Italy children was unremarkable change it stood at 14.3% in 2000
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 projections decrease to 11.5% in 2050. In 2000
percentage
 of the Italy's older people was 24,1% and
this
proportion
 will be changed to 42,3% in 2050.
Submitted by @ur_davrik on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing your ideas more clearly and coherently.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are supported with specific details and examples.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address the task prompt and provide a complete response.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearly expressed and comprehensive.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and data to support your analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: