Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. What may be the root cause of this behavior? Discuss the reasons and possible results.

Although
there are many reasons for overspending on refinement products, the most prominent is to imitate the actors and actresses. To explicate, the advertisements of well-known brands leave their unforgettable image in the minds of individuals,that's why
instead
of using home
remidies
Correct your spelling
remedies
, they just follow their role models.
For instance
, the prominent company Olay promoted their product under eye brightening cream,
youngones
Correct your spelling
Young
trusted these commercials blindly, and for
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
they made the purchase. Another reason is Job opportunities because aesthetic grace is appreciated by everyone ,especially in the position of cashier, travel agent etc.
Thus
, for the improvement in ,personality these products are used. The ramifications of these materials lead to the loss of natural charm, the commercialized products by themselves are rarely used by famous personalities;
however
,the youngsters opt for beauty surgeries
due to
being presented and supported by their example. But, these treatments actually hurt their skin and
consequently
become dull.
Moreover
in order to support these things ,they overspend the money which should be utilized for education, paying mortgages, and rent.
Therefore
, their hard work is becoming redundant as it's not only hurting their body
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
putting their future in hardship.
To conclude
, to appreciate and follow someone is fruitful,
nevertheless
firstly
the implications of these treatments or merchandise should be done before trying,
otherwise
it may permanently affect the skin.
Submitted by mdkaur84 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure to provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction.
task achievement
Expand on the possible results and discuss them in more detail.
task achievement
Use more specific and relevant examples to support your ideas.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Some sentences are unclear or grammatically incorrect.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Proliferation
  • 2. Adhere to
  • 3. Celebrities and influencers
  • 4. Discretionary spending
  • 5. Self-esteem
  • 6. Attractiveness
  • 7. Technological advancements
  • 8. High-quality products and services
  • 9. Health consciousness
  • 10. Holistic wellness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: