IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Most countries aim to improve their standard of living through economis development,but many important social values can be lost as a result . Do the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages ?

#countries #aim #economis #development #values
Many countries
prefers
Change the verb form
prefer
show examples
 to develop their own style of living
due to
finincial
Correct your spelling
financial
 stability .
however
 ,some are of
opinion
Correct article usage
the opinion
show examples
 that
this
 leads to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
detrimental effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their social values .In my point of view , there are more advantages than disadvantages
improving
Change preposition
to improving
show examples
life
 standards a part of economically.
This
 essay will
further
 elaborate on my views on the positive and negative aspects of the trends in the upcoming paragraphs . To commence with , there are a couple of main advantages of
finincial
Correct your spelling
financial
 stability .
Firstly
 ,
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
 sum of money could make an individual
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
every content in their lives including , household
maintainence
Correct your spelling
maintenance
,college debts ,medical insurance and s on .
Thats
Correct your spelling
That
 why if a
crowds
Fix the agreement mistake
crowd
show examples
 have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 stress of
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
husttles ,he
donot
Verb problem
does not
show examples
 have to worry about that.
For instance
 ,people usually
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to be economically strong to survive their
life
 in a peaceful
however
finincial
Correct your spelling
financial
 stability makes them
to
Correct word choice
able to
show examples
 afford
every
Change the word
their
show examples
 entire needs .
As a result
 ,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should be focused on the improvement of economic development for their countries which will help them
living
Change the form of the verb
live
show examples
 a standard
life
 .
On the other hand
 ,when only focusing on economic development ,
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 can lose their own social values by not giving time
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 neighbours family and friends .
Besides
 ,every citizen would become busy
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
out door
Correct your spelling
outdoor
show examples
 work which will make them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
distance
Replace the word
distant
show examples
 from their culture ,festivals and so on.
Therefore
this
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
show examples
 will
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 a country out of culture , as people would their inclination towards money rather than their family and culture . In conclusion ,making their
living
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
life
 better in the future
according to
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
economy
Add an article
the economy
an economy
show examples
 is an excellent way .In
particula
Correct your spelling
particular
,
economically
Add a missing verb
being economically
show examples
 strong has
also
 helped all to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fortune
Replace the word
fortunate
show examples
however
 there a
drwabacks
Correct your spelling
drawback
drawbacks
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 social norms and values.
Submitted by siwanichaudhary898 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: