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Band 5.5

In some societies, the number of crime committed by teenager is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crime should receive adult punishment. To what extend do you agree?

#societies #crime #teenager #people #age #teenagers #adult #punishment
There is no denying the fact that
,
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 there is an increasing trend of younger crime rates.
While
 it's a commonly held belief that, teenagers
people
 who commit major crimes should punished the same as adults, there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that young criminals should not have the same punishment as other adult
people
.
To begin
 with, these teenage kids perform better in future with proper education.
In other words
, they would be a well-being individual in society if they learned from real-life experience and had the knowledge about low's best behaviours and self-control over their emotions.
In addition
, when they break the law, they want to feel that they are part of the community and
this
 causes their lack of life experience that they had. Advising them kindly, and showing them who they are responsible
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their county would help to reduce
this
 issue.
For example
 ,if they are treated in an understandable way, have permission to try everything ,and have the freedom to make very various wrong and good choices,
this
 will in most cases end up with good and smart
people
. Another point to consider
,
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 is young
people
 who are punished in the same way as adults, and maybe go to jail They could be back with worse attributes and mindsets. It is
also
 possible to say that, in jail bad criminal adults have the opportunity to affect the younger ones and change their thoughts and behaviours.
Moreover
, by that, they would bring serious troubles to the community in the future.
For instance
, low punishment,
such
 as fixing what a teenager did with his money, and cleaning in public parks shows higher reward than tough punishment. In conclusion, despite
people
 having different views, I believe that
,
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 education can make a significant change in anyone's personality , especially in
this
 early phase.
Thus
, we could change their behaviours with different kinds of sanctions than growing up with
this
 statement.
Submitted by rayan on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Add a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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